I had one of those days today. Those days where you feel like God turned up the ‘magnifying power’. When you’re seeing the dark, not so much the lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). The days where you have to quote ‘there is NO condemnation in Christ’ (Romans 8:1) over and over again… trying to believe it. The days when you’re feeling the frailty of the earthen vessel, so part of you doubts if there could really be any treasure inside (2 Corinthians 4:7). The days when you aren’t sure if you believe the prophetic words anymore because you’re like “… ummm yep I am too messed up for that to happen. So I guess I’ll let those ones fall to the ground…” The days when all you can pray is “Help me Jesus… help me. Help me.” When it is soooo easy to run to anything to distract yourself from the pain you feel over your own weakness. Sleep, food, Facebook, etc… and then you realise you ran to a whole bunch of things that don’t satisfy and then you’re like aaaargh and feel even worse…

Definitely one of ‘those’ days.

One of those days when you truly have to take God at His word when He says that He does delight in showing mercy (Micah 7:18). That you are dark… and yet so very lovely to Him (Song of Songs 1:5). And that although any righteousness of your own is as filthy rags to Him (Isaiah 64:6), you now have the righteousness that comes from faith in Christ (Romans 3:22). When you truly have to believe that what Jesus did on the cross is bigger than all your issues. That He is not intimidated by your weakness. That it’s not about your ability to make yourself ‘good enough’ for Him to use you or even love you, it’s about having a willing and humble heart before Him and doing your best to follow as He leads you… and trust that He is leading you in paths of righteousness… though you may feel like you’re walking through a valley (Psalm 23:3-4). Trust that He is fully committed and will be unrelenting until He has cultivated a heart of truth, humility and righteousness in you (Psalm 45:4). Trust in His unfailing love. Trust that His faithfulness to you is greater than your propensity to unfaithfulness. Trust that His love for you is greater than your sin nature. Trust that He is leading you into Song of Songs 8 and Revelation 19:7-8.

One of those days where you get to the end of it and think “who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her Beloved?” (Song of Songs 8:5) and realise that although it felt crazy at the time… you do love Him just a little bit more, and trust Him just a little bit more… and that even one of ‘those’ days fits perfectly into His plan

Oh I am happy… I had a bit of a Song of Songs freakout today… I like that book. A lot. So I downloaded a whole bunch of notes from the IHOP website and then took on the task of wading through online commentaries… there are some good ones out there… and then there are some dodgy ones. And sometimes I don’t know the dodgy ones from the good ones. Buuut I found one I really like. It’s by James Durham and it was written in the 1600’s… so I took a bit of time to decipher the “thee”, “thou”, “betwixt” etc freakout… and then was like I LOVE it!!

More than that, I love the God who loves me… and makes His love known in so many different ways… including His Word… including Song of Songs

Happy

http://www.puritansermons.com/durham/durindx.htm

http://www.ihop.org

Hmmm I wrote this a couple of months ago… August 4th, to be exact… I remember it was after Misty Edwards spoke at the church service… and she read my mail… pretty much put everything going on in my heart and all the stuff God had been speaking to me into words… I was crying so hard I could barely even breathe…

 … and I was cleaning my room today and found it…

He sees rightly… and He calls you lovely. He is not a man that He should lie. The perfection of beauty sees you and your heart that loves Him… and He finds you beautiful. He who created all that we consider beautiful… mountains, sunsets, oceans… yet they don’t move His heart. Yet you have stolen His heart with but one glance of your eye. The voice that spoke creation tells you that He loves you and He finds you beautiful. He is the perfection of beauty. He alone truly knows what beauty really looks like… and He looks at you and finds your love for Him beautiful. He doesn’t define you by your struggles and failures… He defines you by your earnest desire to love and obey Him. He sees your weak but true love and calls you forth… He is inviting us into wholeheartedness… who will respond? Who will arise, confident in His unfailing love, and follow Him? Who will incline their ear and consider His invitation? His eyes search to and fro… looking for a lover… looking for a friend… Who will arise into wholeheartedness? Who will arise into righteousness? Who will arise into undistracted, undivided devotion? Who will embrace the cross? Who will take up their cross, splinters and all, and follow Him? Who will follow the Lamb? Who will follow the Good Shepherd? Who will be allured into the desert so that they could come out leaning upon their Lover? Who will love with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength? Who will be a lover of that which He fights for? Truth. Humility. Righteousness. Who will be a friend of the Bridegroom? Who will be a voice crying out in the wilderness, “Prepare the way of the Lord!” Who is lovesick? Whose heart joins with all creation and it groans and longs for His return? Who desires to be with Him where He is? Who is captivated? Who is fascinated? Who will be found fully in love? Who has gazed into His eyes of fire and has had their heart set ablaze with passion? Who will consider all things loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus? Who will live for Him? Who will die for Him? Who has been forgiven much? Who will love much? Who will hear His voice and speak it forth?

Arise…

I like to write songs… I’ve always loved music and singing… as soon as I could talk I was singing… preferably in public. Grocery stores, busses… life was a stage

And I love it when I find songs that are exactly where I’m at and I happily sing away… but there’s just something about writing my own… putting the cries of my heart to music. Those little things that are just me… and expressing them just the way I want to.

And I’ve been thinking lately… He is so kind.

I’ve always loved writing songs… I found praise songs I wrote when I was just a little tacker… maaaaybe 6 years old… they had little dots above words which you’re supposed to accent with a clap :D. Then during my ‘dark days’ (as my mother calls them) I wrote lots of dark and twisty songs, trying to put expression to everything dark and twisty on the inside… and yet I also wrote songs about God (three, to be exact). And not angry “why is this happening??” songs… but songs of hope. Songs about His love. I am SO sad that the songs about God got thrown out… I kept the dark and twisty ones for a while. But I recently threw them out too. But I wish I kept the ones about God. I think I can remember one of them…

Why have You blessed me with so much?

When every day I refuse Your touch

Still You love me… I know it’s true

So there’s one thing that I want to do

Sing for Jesus in heaven above

Sing for Jesus and His heavenly love

Sing with angels, they never stop

One day in heaven I’ll sing with all I’ve got

<Ummm can’t remember the next two lines…>

Perfect holiness I certainly lack

But I’ll follow You and never look back

Wow… I remember that makes me smile. So very simple (and I was very good at rhyming too :D). But I know now that it moved His heart. He heard my little song… He saw the weak movements of my heart towards Him… and it mattered to Him. So many dark songs… yet a few lovely ones. My heart was so dark… yet so lovely to Him (Song of Songs 1:5). And He delivered me… for He delighted in me (Psalms 18:19).

He is so kind… truly He delights in showing me mercy (Micah 7:18)….

After I took His gift and wrote dark and twisty things… after I threw out those songs I wrote about Him… after I promised myself I would never even sing again… after all that, here I am spending so long every day at the piano, singing my heart out to Him… and keeping these ones :). He is so kind. He’s teaching me how to write, how to play… how to let my heart overflow into song (Psalm 45:1)… He is so kind.

I love Him so much :)… and yet nowhere near as much as He loves me… but He’s teaching me. He is fanning the flames He stirred up.

I love Him because He first loved me (1 John 4:19)

This is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10)

Today is Christmas. When we celebrate the second person of the Trinity being born as a human baby. Oh the humility. God became a baby that needs changing and feeding. He was born… 33 years later He died.

This is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10)

God has been doing my head in for the past few months… taking me on an adventure of finding out what that verse really means… it’s going to take me eternity to get my head around that… but that’s exactly how long He’s giving me :D… but it means I find a way to link everything back to that verse. Including Christmas.

Merry Christmas. I really mean it when I say I pray that this Christmas you would understand like never before the love of Christ… the God who became a man because He loves you. He loves you. Ugh I just want to say that over and over again. He loves you. More than you know… with a passion unmatched by anything you’ve ever experienced. Love is who He is (1 John 4:8). And that love is for you (Song of Songs 7:10).

I don’t like words. I say ‘God is love’ and it means so much to me and I want to express it all and I want it to connect with hearts… but all it looks like three simple words on the screen. So I pray that God would truly give you revelation of His love. The force that is greater than your sin nature.

God is love. And that love is directed towards you. The first commandment (Mark 12:30) is more than a commandment… it’s what you were created for.

“… His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” Jeremiah 20:9

I can’t keep it in. I love God so much… and yet nowhere near as much as I want to… and NOTHING compared to how He loves me… and I know that He has that same love for everyone. So it grieves me that so many people don’t know that… or ‘know’ it in their heads but their hearts haven’t realised it and come alive. So it’s my prayer that when people read my blog their eyes are opened and their hearts are softened… that my ramblings about God encourage someone else to go hard after Him… to challenge, inspire and encourage them to live the first commandment (”… love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” [Mark 12:30]) and have the second flowing out of it (”… love your neighbour as yourself.” [Mark 12:31])… to live the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7)… and to realise that Jesus is coming back soon (Revelation 22:7) and we need to be watching and waiting (Micah 7:7) and cultivating the oil of intimacy in our lamps (Matthew 25:1-13).

Oooh I love ‘fiery’ Bible verses haha…
> “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.” Song of Songs 8:6… mmmm I’m not going to expand on that verse… that could be a post in itself… I like that verse. Very, very much so. Maybe look at my previous post “Jealousy”… I like to meditate on the jealousy of God. A lot. A lot a lot.
> “My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned…” Psalm 39:3
> “Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24:32… I pray this one over myself alot.

This heart was made to burn with passion for God. And I won’t settle for anything less.

This is cool… you know how pregnant women get cravings for food? When my mum was pregnant with me she craved coal. Coal. As in the black stuff in the fire. Not hotdogs, chocolate, pizza… she wanted to eat coal (hopefully she didn’t…). Prophetic…?

i have two lovely cats… one is a lil bit chub… the other day we found out why

i fed him dinner… an hour later dad came home and splodge makes sad faces and sad meows at him, acting like he hasn’t been fed. and the empty food bowl suggests so. so dad feeds him.

sneaky cat, this one.

but a ka-yoooo-tee!!

Weeell at the end of my previous post “Beautiful” I said that it would be continued… so here we go…

• roses that are only juuust starting to open…
• clouds (Nahum 1:3… “… the clouds are the dust of His feet.” :D)
• the sky in general… *happy sigh* I love looking at the sky

Ok going off on a tangent now… so I noticed a trend yesterday… the things that I take the greatest delight in, the things that I find most beautiful… they all remind me/make me think about God. Isn’t that delightful? I think He set it up that way… I see all these beautiful things… and am reminded that He is even more beautiful than all these things… oh that I would see the King in His beauty (Isaiah 33:17). I want to see Jesus as beautiful and glorious (Isaiah 4:2).

 And this does my head in… the beautiful God finds me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). He greatly desires my beauty (Psalm 45:11). He sees this heart which I can be so quick to write off as simply dark, distraction-prone, weakly loving etc… and He says that it is beautiful, and calls it forth into the fullness of love, maturity, confidence and all that other good stuff that He has for it!! He is the one who takes dark yet lovely hearts (Songs of Songs 1:5 again) and presents a Bride, pure and spotless, to His Son (Revelation 19:8). He is unrelenting until this is so… and He is unchanging. He remains unrelenting on days when I’m being complacent or feeling discouraged.

He has searched me and He knows me (Psalm 139:1)… which means He knows all of my unsettled issues and immaturity and weaknesses etc etc… He sees all the darkness in my heart… and yet He still finds me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5 again, baby!! I know that verse… oh that my heart would truly believe it all of the time… but He’s teaching it to). Because as well as the bad parts He sees the parts that are becoming more like Him and they matter to Him… so very much. He sees every weak yes… and His heart is so moved by it. He sees every time I choose obedience to Him. He notices every weak glance… and His heart is ravished (Song of Songs 4:9). You know what ravished means? Completely overwhelmed. My weak but true love completely overwhelms the heart of the Lord God Almighty. Raging nations can’t overwhelm Him (Psalm 2). But I do :).

Yeah, He sees the darkness… but He’s not intimidated by it. And day by day He’s teaching me to not be either but to be fully confident in what Jesus did on the cross. To not freak out when I encounter my own weakness and be too scared to come before Him… trying to do the old ‘get it all together first’ thing… yehhh that doesn’t work. Thanks to Jesus, my sympathetic high priest, I can come boldly (hehe like how I put that in bold??) before the throne of grace, that I may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Ahem. Bunny trail anyone? Back to beauty…

He is beauty. He is the Creator of beauty. If anyone knows what beauty is, He does… and He is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 29:13)… and He considers me beautiful! He sees rightly… and He calls me lovely. I am not who I think I am or what the world tells me I am… I am who He says I am. And want to learn to agree with that and truly, constantly believe it.

*happy sigh* I am so loved

And you are so loved God is love (1 John 4: and His desire is for you (Song of Songs 7:10).

Now that is beautiful.

hello world

sorry it’s been a while since my last post… but i’ve had a crazy couple of weeks… two weeks ago i was in the northern hemisphere on a night schedule, chilling out in the winteryness. now i’m back in the southern hemisphere on a day schedule (against my will!! oh how i loved being on nights) and it’s warming up into a long hot summer.

i honestly thought i was returning to the same life i left 9 months ago. and i was scared because it would be the same yet i had become so different. but so much is so new. some of it is my choice… some of it isn’t.

my choice: new hair. new clothes. new glasses.

not my choice: new manager. all new staff at work. looks like i’m needing a new job. new life (ie. no school or work everyday)

and i want to go back to my old life (old as in the past 8 months… no further back than that, thanks!!) so bad. but ’tis not the Lord’s will. and He is leading me into the plans He has for me… plans to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). His leadership is perfect. I will come up leaning upon my Beloved (Song of Songs 8:5)

He makes all things new… and He makes all things beautiful in their time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)