I helped out with the kids ministry today… and I was discussing Hebrews 13:6 with two of the kids…

“So we say with confidence, ’The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’“

And part of our discussion went roughly as followed:

Me: “… so we can pray to God all the time and ask Him to help us and He will.”

Boy: “That’s not true.”

Me: “Why do you think that?”

Boy: “Because I’ve asked Him to help me before and He didn’t do anything.”

And ohhh that was heartwrenching… my heart went out to the little guy… he was so sincere about it and I was like “ohhhh…” on the inside (by the way, I did keep talking to and encouraging him and imparted some truth [yay for the Bible :D]) Buuuuut… I again realised how often I am so quick to doubt or get offended when it doesn’t feel like God helps me the way I want Him to. Argh working with little kids brings up your own heart issues, that’s for sure!!

I am grieved that I get offended at God… I cry out for Him to help me… and He does (*starts singing* Jesus loves-and-helps me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so…). Buuut I get offended and hurt and confused if He doesn’t help me in the way that I, in my weak understanding, think I should be helped… and yet He remains faithful and loves me no less… I am so in awe of His love!! Unfailing (Psalm 6:4), unchanging (Malachi 3:6), knowledge-surpassing (Ephesians 3:19)… everything I long for is found in Him. Argh it seems so clear now but my heart is sooo quick to forget. Oh, how I want to love Him like He loves me…

Ugh and I go on and on about how I feel misunderstood… when God is the most misunderstood out of anyone. Jesus, the One who laid aside His glory and came to earth as creation (Philippians 2:6-7)… all for the sake of love… was despised and rejected (Isaiah 53:3)… sentenced to a slow, painful and humiliating death by the very ones He loved enough to die for… truly there is NO greater love than this (John 15:13). Truly this IS love (1 John 4:10). He was misunderstood, even to the point of being despised enough to be killed… He was misunderstood then and He’s misunderstood now… even by people who love Him… like me … but He doesn’t say to us “you know what?? Forget you guys, you can all just go to hell…” He continues to love… and continues to show mercy… His kindness leading us to repentance (Romans 2:4).

I stand in awe of this love…

“… while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son…” Romans 5:10

“We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10

I want to see God rightly. I want to know His love and have it made manifest in me… abounding in and overflowing from my heart. This is what I want out of my life… to know Him and His love (they are inseparable… He IS love [1 John 4:8]) and to make it known… God help me.

… and you know what?? He will

Today I was pondering the fact that night and day the seraphim never cease saying “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.” (Revelation 4: … and I had a thought that made me giggle. Think about it… this is the song that never ends…

*starts singing* “this is the song that never ends… it just goes on and on my friend…”

I have been pondering comfort lately. I remember Stuart Greaves saying something along the lines of “what comforts you is what you use to comfort others.” That has stuck with me. Because I want to be someone who directs hearts into the love of God (2 Thessalonians 3:5)… but I am aware that if I am not running into His love and getting experiencial knowledge of the comfort His love alone brings, I won’t be so quick to tell others to run into His love… because I won’t really believe that it helps. Or I’ll be calling people into something I myself am not living. Now, I don’t ‘have it all together’, but I at least want to be trying to do something and bringing others along for the ride instead of “you need to do ‘this, this and this…’” but not actually be doing/trying to do it myself.

So I have been observing myself lately… watching what I run to when I’m needing comfort. Some stuff definitely has to change… food and sleep are the two I have in mind!! There has been some progress though. Back in the ‘dark days’ (hmm… I don’t think I’ve ever shared my testimony on this blog… I should…) I used to listen to depressing music when I was depressed… thinking it would make me feel ‘better’. Surprise surprise… it didn’t. Buut I don’t do that anymore More and more I am starting to go to the Word and feed myself on truth… gaining perspective on the way things really are… the way He sees them. Not the way I see them after they are filtered through my emotions and weak understanding.

I refuse to be comforted by lies. An example of this is how back in the ‘dark days’ I used to stop myself crying by saying “Helen, no-one cares.” But I now know that that’s not true. So now if I cry I take comfort in the fact that God sees and hears and cares about the fact that I am feeling sad (Psalm 56:8). I want to be one who finds truth the source of her comfort.

I want my comfort to be found in the Truth Himself, Jesus Christ (John 14:6)… not only for the sake of my heart, but also that I would direct others into Him too… this One who sympathises with us in our weakness (Hebrews 4:15). This One who Himself is well-acquainted with suffering (Isaiah 53:3), beyond anything we have ever personally experienced. I want to run after Him and into His presence… for in His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 3-4

I attended… endured (drama, anyone??)… sat through a class on commercial law today… *sigh* I am still like “God… are You suuuure this is where I’m supposed to be??” Buuut it is. His will is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2)… even if I don’t feel it. Praise the Lord that my little, often fickle feelings can not and will not change who He is (Malachi 3:6). It’s not His will that needs to be changed… it’s my heart. Which huuurts… but I am willing to be changed…

*ahem* back to commercial law…

I was taken aback… and, well, pretty grieved by something the lecturer pointed out today. He said something along the lines of “… this is called a legal system, not a justice system…” and went on to say that therefore the words ‘fair’ and ‘just’ have no place in discussions to be had on the topic… and I was like “… coooome Jesus…”

Praise the Lord that the increase of HIS government will know no end (Isaiah 9:7). Praise the Lord that HE ALONE was found worthy to loose the End Time judgements of God on the earth (Revelation 5:3-5). Praise the Lord that He, Faithful and True, is the One who judges… the One who judges with justice (Revelation 19:11). Praise the Lord that righteousness and justice are the very foundation of His throne (Psalm 89:14). Praise the Lord that HE is the blessed only sovereign, King of kings and Lord of lords (1 Timothy 6:15)…

… and praise the Lord that in His mercy and love He took the punishment I fully deserved (Isaiah 53:5). Truly, there is no greater love than this (John 15:13)…

… oh, how I want Him to come…

… reading books about the Bible/God is no substitute for reading the Bible

… talking about God is no substitute for talking to God

… having friends who go deep in God is no substitute for going deep in God yourself

… planning lots of fasting days and huge chunks of set-aside prayer time etcetc… but always intending yet never actually doing… is no substitute for being faithful with a little (Matthew 25:21)

… being able to quote a whole bunch of verses off the top of your head is no substitute for having them written on your heart (Proverbs 7:3)

… knowing facts about God is no substitute for intimate knowledge of the Person of God

… speed-reading your way through lots of chapters is no substitute for long and loving meditation

… having numerous commentaries sitting on your bookshelf is no substitute for actively pursuing the knowledge of God

… listening to a worship CD is no substitute for actually worshipping the Lord

… physically being in a prayer meeting is no substitute for actually praying… just your heart crying out to the Lord…

… hearing the word of God is no substitute for putting it into practice (Ezekiel 33:31)

… sacrifice is no substitute for obedience (1 Samuel 15:22)

… having His name ever on my lips is no substitute for having Him close to my heart (Jeremiah 12:2)

… “having it all together” on the outside is no substitute for a heart of truth, humility and righteousness (Matthew 23:27)

… being able to put Daniel 9 in a nice little timeline is no substitute for a heart that is truly prepared for the End Times

… having the role of a lead worshipper is no substitute for encountering the Lord in worship

… a big ministry is no substitute for personal fellowship with the Lord… where it’s just you and Him alone…

… a quick ‘thanks God’ when everything seems to be going well is no substitute for truly living with a grateful heart in all seasons and situations

… saying all this ^^ is no substitute for actually living it

Those ‘first things’ I listed aren’t bad… but in my own experience I have done them and thought that it was ‘enough’… in His kindness, God has convinced me otherwise… buuut I think that maybe I still need more convincing because I don’t always live like I’m convinced… I am so quick to say “it’s all about LOVE!!” … buuut I don’t always live like it. I am so quick to try to achieve the ‘end product’ that I miss the love… and without love it is all nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Oh and here’s an update on the 30 day challenge (today is day #8… yep, I am still pluggin’ away at it…)

Yesterday I was driving and was like “hmmm, I don’t want to waste this time… I’ll meditate on Revelation 4…” so I was driving and singing (yes, I sing to help me meditate on Scripture… to IHOPers this is not weird but maybe to other people it may seem so…)… and I was having so much fuuuun … a bit too much fun maybe. I suddenly realised I wasn’t actually paying too much attention to the road and was also speeding. Hmmm. It was a bit of a hazard.

… he’s no longer missing seeee, this prayer thing works (haha if you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out this previous post…)

Ooooh that thought sends me off on a bunny trail…

I help out with my church’s kids ministry, and this week we were teaching them about prayer… especially the fact that God hears and moves at their prayers. And I was so struck by the fact that I was like “Helen!! You need to believe this too!!” as I was talking about prayer with the kids. It’s so easy to tell kids “God hears you always (Psalm 4:3) and you can talk to Him about anything (Ephesians 6:1 and He cares (1 Peter 5:7) and He loves to hear your voice (Song of Songs 2:14)…” and they happily believe it… yet you have to wrestle on the inside with “well, do I actually believe this??” (well, this might not be your experience, but it is mine…)

Oh, that I would take Him at His word… that I would truly consider His Word the truth (Psalm 119:160), not the way I see things… my understanding is so weak. I want to lean not on my own understanding and put my trust fully in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5).

Working in the kids ministry has been such a great growing experience for me… I am one of those people who learns best by explaining stuff to others (hehe no wonder I like blogging about God….), and so answering questions like “what is salvation??” helps ME learn too oh and it’s humbling… I’ve been assigned the job of ‘dance leader’… basically means I get to come up with and lead the actions during worship… I can be all ballet/floaty/twirly/etc just fine, and I go to my ‘happy place’ of sorts where it’s just me and the Lord and little or no self-consciousness… but leading a room of kids (and other leaders!!) in occasionally cheesy actions brings up the heart issues!! Priiiiiide… argh I want it to go awaaaaay… oh Jesus… You who humbled Yourself and came as a man (Philippians 2:8)… You who show me Your humility by the fact You even hear my prayers, let alone answer them… please help me be humble…

Yep, I bunny trailed my way through at least three topics there… hope you enjoyed

I just heard that my friend from IHOP has gone missing… please pray.

The beauty of Jesus… 

Wednesday night is worship with the Word night in our prayer room… WWWW… worship with the word on Wednesday We had a time of spontaneous singing so I got to sing what’s been going round and round my heart… round and round and out into my singing whenever I get a chance… all about the beauty of Jesus… beautiful and glorious (Isaiah 4:2)… altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16)… fairer than the sons of men (Psalm 45:2)… etcetc… *happy sigh* I love to sing… especially about Jesus

Recruiting…

Today I got to observe/interact with different groups trying to recruit new university students. I especially paid attention to the Christian groups… there was one man just offering bright green Gideon Bibles to passersby… I had a girl simply walk up to me and ask if I was a Christian… others were just sitting at their booths chatting amongst themselves… had a guy chat to me and hand me an invitation to a karaoke night, block party, food fest and outdoor cinema (I totally thought it was just an ordinary university social group, but on close inspection of the invite I saw in tiny fine print that it is actually related to a local church)… another guy gave me a pretty cool lookin’ business-card sized invite to an “inclusive mainstream church“… I have NO idea what that means…

I was intrigued by all the different techniques… I don’t know who managed to recruit the most amount of people to their group… I still don’t really know a lot about each group… all I know is this weekend I am going to hang out with the crew of the girl who walked up to me… and I am definitely praying for all the on-campus Christians… and, of course, the non-Christians… for surely they were created to know God and love God… and it grieves me that so many don’t…

I praise God that even within a secular university He is raising up those who know their God, and desire to make Him known… and they’re doing so in a whole bunch of different ways

Hello world, and happy Valentines Day

Anyone who knows me or frequents my blog has probably figured out by now that I use the Bridal Paradigm (as well as all other concepts in the Bible) to help me grow in understanding of God’s love… but that most definitely does not mean that this Valentines Day I am all “Happy Valentines Day Jesus :D:D” and planning on a ‘dreamy date night’.

Now… from what I’ve observed, the Bridal Paradigm (the BP from here on out…) is a touchy topic, especially on internet discussions!! So I am wary of bringing it up here… especially because I sometimes don’t explain stuff very clearly… but here goes…

I use the BP to help me comprehend God’s love for me… but that doesn’t mean I consider Jesus my ‘Hollywood boyfriend’. Yeh, I believe in the BP… as well as everything else in the Bible (yep, the BP is set out scripturally… for a list of some references check out this blog). I don’t consider all other Biblical teaching null and void in comparison. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). Scripture does not contradict Scripture, nor is one part more true than another.

This Valentines Day, I found myself pondering the love of Christ (but I like to do so any and every day). Not because I think I have a ’spiritual boyfriend’ in Jesus… but because I am in awe of the fact that He loves me, with a pure and holy love that surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:19)… the love that sent Him to the cross, even when I didn’t love Him (1 John 4:10, 19)… and I want to know as much as I can of this love. The BP is a Scripturally set out way of helping me to comprehend His love more… and knowing His love awakens my heart to love Him more (Mark 12:30).

So bring on the BP … as well as the rest of the Bible

Yep, ’tis day 3 of the 30 day challenge…

I was pondering verse 1 yesterday, specifically this part: “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” It reminded me of Jeremiah 33:3… “Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Here are a few related thoughts I had:

1) we do a little… and then He responds with a lot

All John had to do was come up, and God would show him the things to come. All Israel had to do was call upon God and He would answer with great and unsearchable things. This also reminds me of Song of Songs 4:9 “… you have stolen My heart with one glance of your eyes…” The weak heart movement on our end results in a big heart movement on His end.

This reminds me again that it’s not all about me and what I can do… it’s all about Him. Without Him it all means nothing. Without Him it’s just coming up… and seeing nothing. Calling out… and being left unanswered. Glancing… and nothing responding. What He does in response to the little things we do is what makes them of any importance.

2) He rewards obedience (related to point #1)

He isn’t asking a lot in these Scriptures… just to come up… just to call to Him… and then He rewards by showing the things that are to come/great and unsearchable things.

He is the Lord God Almighty. That fact alone is reason enough to obey Him completely. He owes us nothing, all we deserve is eternal torment in Hell… but He delights in mercy (Micah 7:18). So when we obey Him… He rewards us!! The very fact that He is God commands obedience… we deserve no reward for obedience, it is simply the appropriate response… and yet He rewards us!! He is so kind!! It does my head in… praise the Lord that He is exactly who He is!!

Oh, that I would have a truly eternal mindset… considering eternal rewards better than instant gratification… and obey Him completely. And I want to know Him still more and more… this One who delights in mercy and loves unfailingly…

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23