As Jesus and His disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42 (NIV… buuut I capitalised some letters that NIV leaves lower case… I just like to do that…)

Yep. Mary of Bethany is my girl (… and, for the record, Jeremiah is my boy ).

In light of everything that needed to be done… Mary saw something of greater necessity… to be captivated and undistracted… just sitting at the feet of Jesus, and listening to what He had to say. This One with grace poured upon His lips (Psalm 45:2)… the One whose words are spirit and life (John 6:63)… the One who is the very Word of God (John 1). She is doing Song of Songs 2:3… “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in His shade…” I want to be like that.

But yes, there were other things that needed to be done. We can be a bit hard on Martha. But the Word says that she was distracted by the preparations that had to be done. Now… it’s not like I’ve read it in the Greek or anything (haha as a side note… I toootally want to be one of those people who can be all ‘… actually in the Greek that word means…’ I don’t like being at the mercy of potentially sucky translations… I like NIV. Some people think it is sucky. But I’ve researched a leeetle bit into translations… and I feel that liking NIV is justifiable. Aaanyway, back to what I was saying before…)… buuut as far as I can see, it doesn’t say that Martha was actually doing the serving at the time. Reading NKJV suggests that Mary and Martha were simultaneously sitting at Jesus’ feet… but Martha’s mind was elsewhere… distracted by all the preparations and serving that had to be done.

I picture Mary sitting and listening intently, fully captivated by Jesus… but Martha sitting there and being like how I am so prone to be… trying to read my Bible but my head is swimming with a whole bunch of other stuff I have to do (eg. do laundry, study, make dinner etctec…)… so much so that I eventually just drop Bible study, which I don’t feel like I’m ‘getting too much out of anyway’ (because I’m probably too noisy on the inside to hear anything…) in favour of other stuff that needs to be done. And so I’m guessing that at some point Martha bailed and started doing preparations… the preparations that had to be done. Sooo… I’m not going to have a go at her for doing stuff that needed to be done.

Haha I just realised that I started this post planning on talking about Mary, but I’m rambling on about Martha now… oh well

Sooo… Martha had a choice… preparations that obviously needed to be done, for she had, after all, opened her home to Jesus (and I’m assuming His disciples as well…)… versus sitting at the feet of God, listening to what He has to say. There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1)… so I’m guessing that there was a time to listen and a time to prepare. Nothing wrong with preparation. But being so internally distracted by things that need to be done that you can’t focus on the thing that is better than all of that is a problem. A problem I am prone to…

Oh, that I would be able to sit at His feet, gazing upon Him with dove’s eyes (Song of Songs 4:1)… undistracted, undivided devotion (1 Corinthians 7:35)… listening to what He has to say… not distracted by all those other things, as valid as they may be. For they are not more important than just quietening down and spending time with God. And then that I could go do those other things with all my heart as if I was working for God and not men (Colossians 3:23)… worshipping Him in all that I do, whether I am meditating in the Word or doing an assignment for uni… but most of all treasuring the times just spent at His feet… the one thing that is needed (Luke 10:42)… the one thing I desire (Psalm 27:4)…

Sooo one justification I had for wagging uni was that it gave me more time for things of eternal worth… ie. studying the eternal Word of God (Isaiah 40:8). Buuut God blew that one outta the water last night during a teaching on calling… eg. internal (intimacy), external (ministry) and eternal. He reminded me that we get eternal rewards according to our faithfulness with even little things (Luke19:17)… on this side of eternity.

… including our faithfulness with rolling outta bed and into a lecture at a university that in accordance with His good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2) He wants you to go to. His will that remains unchanged despite loud protesting and frequent wagging on my end. (Oh, if you don’t know what ‘wagging’ means… it is apparently the same as ‘bunking’… I think… if you are American, anyway…)

Yep, I desire eternal rewards. As well as 100% obedience. And so I went to uni today.

Yay for me.

Yay for eternal rewards.

But most of all, yay for the God who delights in mercy (Micah 7:18), rewarding us for the obedience which is surely commanded by the very fact that He is the Lord God Almighty (Revelation 4:8)… rewarding us when He owes us nothing. He has already given us the most incredible gift of all… eternity with Him, through His Son going to the cross (John 3:16). But if that wasn’t reward enough… we get further reward. Even for faithfulness with the little.

Surely, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9)…

… and for me for actually going (albeit doing a little internal kicking and screaming… my heart is very much a work in progress…) to university. It’s a small thing… but even small things mean so much to Him (Song of Songs 4:9)… and on top of the joy of knowing that even in my weakness I move the heart of God… I take heart in that He will reward me. I toootally don’t deserve it… but He will.

He is so kind

I was plunkin’ away at the keys the other day… I was just meandering my way around the Bible… singing things that caught my eye, cross referencing, exploring the what these verses mean, playing around with chord progressions… lingering at the keys as time slipped away… because He loves me and loves to hear my voice (Song of Songs 2:14)… and oh, how I love to sing my heart out to Him

And in amongst all of that, this verse caught my eye…

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone…” Psalm 62:5

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. For in His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). Why spend life running around, trying to find happiness in anything and everything apart from God… when in the presence of the omnipresent God (Psalm 139:7) who dwells within me (1 Corinthians 6:19) and whom I can come boldly before (Hebrews 4:16) is pleasure forevermore. He has given me the gift of righteousness (Romans 5:17)… the gift of right standing before Him. I don’t have to try and earn His love… I don’t have to strive to be found worthy of love. For when I was His enemy He loved me enough to send His Son as an atoning sacrifice for my sins (Romans 5:10, 1 John 4:10)… and His love remains unchanged. Find rest, O my soul, in the One who knows me better than I do, yet still loves me. Sees all my darkness, and declares that I am lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). Calling things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17)… calling them out and into existence. The same voice that spoke creation (Genesis 1)… calls me lovely. And so I am. And so I will be.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. The One my soul longs for (Psalm 63:1). The One who created me to long for Him. The One who will give me desires of my heart when I delight myself in the One whom I desire above all else (Psalm 37:4). The One I desire to seek and gaze upon all the days of my life (Psalm 27:4). The One who is holy (too many references to name just one…), the One who stands alone, transcending all others (Song of Songs 2:3)… in this One alone may I find complete rest.

I want to feel my need for God… and take it and run not to another but into Him. I want to be my heart to be aching with hunger for God… and not being satisfied with anything less. For only He can satisfy. And He will still the hunger of those He cherishes (Psalm 17:14)… stilling my hunger for Him with Himself… and yet leave me so much hungrier than I was… only to be satisfied again… and on and on and on… ever drawing me deeper. Surely, He will take me to Himself (Psalm 49:15). Though many a man claims to have unfailing love (Proverbs 20:6)… only in Him will I find perfect, unfailing, everlasting love. That which He has so graciously lavished upon me (1 John 3:1). Oh, that I would not become complacent… lulled into a false sense of security (Amos 6:1)… content with other lovers… why run after other lovers (Hosea 2:7) when I am relentlessly pursued by the One who is love (1 John 4:8)??

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone…

So much for waiting til study break…

I was planning on studying nuclear energy tonight (can someone PLEASE explain how studying nuclear energy will make me a good accountant…) … buuuut blogging is the order of the night.

His presence. Oh how I long for it.

“Blessed are those You choose and bring near to live in Your courts.” Psalm 65:4

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” Psalm 27:4

“… You will fill me with joy in Your presence…” Psalm 16:11

“I delight to sit in His shade…” Song of Songs 2:3

“Blessed are those who… walk in the light of Your presence…” Psalm 89:15

“… it is good to be near God.” Psalm 73:28

And so on and so on…

This does my head in: I have Christ in me (Colossians 1:27)… and the Holy Spirit dwells within me (1 Corinthians 6:19)… and surely we are carried close to His heart (Isaiah 40:11). Besides, God is omnipresent… and it is written that I cannot flee from His presence (Psalm 139:7)… yet I say that my heart longs for His presence.

All that to say… I say I long for His presence… but really, it is always there. I think that when I say ‘I long for Your presence’ I actually mean that I long to feel the ever-present nearness of God. Oh, that I would be free from distraction and everything that hinders love… that I would be still and at peace… knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10)… and that He is near.

This is my hope… this is what I live waiting for…

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” Revelation 21:3-4

Come, Lord Jesus…

I have been hearing lots of talk lately about hell being disproven… and I’m thinking, ”how can you disprove a Biblical truth?”

So I biblegatewayed ‘hell’ and got 37 responses… haha, well actually only 34 of them were actually about the place hell, the other 3 showed up because ‘hell’ is part of ‘Hellenist’… sooo there is no question then that hell is Biblical, and is therefore a reality.

But if you don’t get your information from the Bible and instead rely on ‘human wisdom’ (1 Corinthians 2:4) I can see how people find it pretty easy to ‘disprove’ hell… with the arguments such as “the Bible says God is good… but a good God, a God of love, even… wouldn’t send people to hell so obviously the Bible is wrong… hell doesn’t exist.”

But I think that the reality is that instead of the Bible being wrong, our understanding of what exactly goodness is and who God is is what needs correcting. I believe that human ‘logic’ isn’t strong enough to defeat the ever-enduring (1 Peter 1:25), perfect word of the Lord (Psalm 19:7).

Oh, that this would be a generation who knows their God… loving all that He is… seeing the beauty in all that He is (Song of Songs 5:16)… Bridegroom (Isaiah 62:5)… King (Matthew 27:11)… Judge (Revelation 19:11… among others…)… and so on and so on ad infinitum…

… reading books about the Bible/God is no substitute for reading the Bible

… talking about God is no substitute for talking to God

… having friends who go deep in God is no substitute for going deep in God yourself

… planning lots of fasting days and huge chunks of set-aside prayer time etcetc… but always intending yet never actually doing… is no substitute for being faithful with a little (Matthew 25:21)

… being able to quote a whole bunch of verses off the top of your head is no substitute for having them written on your heart (Proverbs 7:3)

… knowing facts about God is no substitute for intimate knowledge of the Person of God

… speed-reading your way through lots of chapters is no substitute for long and loving meditation

… having numerous commentaries sitting on your bookshelf is no substitute for actively pursuing the knowledge of God

… listening to a worship CD is no substitute for actually worshipping the Lord

… physically being in a prayer meeting is no substitute for actually praying… just your heart crying out to the Lord…

… hearing the word of God is no substitute for putting it into practice (Ezekiel 33:31)

… sacrifice is no substitute for obedience (1 Samuel 15:22)

… having His name ever on my lips is no substitute for having Him close to my heart (Jeremiah 12:2)

… “having it all together” on the outside is no substitute for a heart of truth, humility and righteousness (Matthew 23:27)

… being able to put Daniel 9 in a nice little timeline is no substitute for a heart that is truly prepared for the End Times

… having the role of a lead worshipper is no substitute for encountering the Lord in worship

… a big ministry is no substitute for personal fellowship with the Lord… where it’s just you and Him alone…

… a quick ‘thanks God’ when everything seems to be going well is no substitute for truly living with a grateful heart in all seasons and situations

… saying all this ^^ is no substitute for actually living it

Those ‘first things’ I listed aren’t bad… but in my own experience I have done them and thought that it was ‘enough’… in His kindness, God has convinced me otherwise… buuut I think that maybe I still need more convincing because I don’t always live like I’m convinced… I am so quick to say “it’s all about LOVE!!” … buuut I don’t always live like it. I am so quick to try to achieve the ‘end product’ that I miss the love… and without love it is all nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Oh and here’s an update on the 30 day challenge (today is day #8… yep, I am still pluggin’ away at it…)

Yesterday I was driving and was like “hmmm, I don’t want to waste this time… I’ll meditate on Revelation 4…” so I was driving and singing (yes, I sing to help me meditate on Scripture… to IHOPers this is not weird but maybe to other people it may seem so…)… and I was having so much fuuuun … a bit too much fun maybe. I suddenly realised I wasn’t actually paying too much attention to the road and was also speeding. Hmmm. It was a bit of a hazard.

I believe that if it’s anything vs. God… God wins. That most definitely includes me vs. God. So when I read something in the Word I don’t understand I do not try to play around with it until it fits my little ideas and possible misconceptions about God. I don’t want to try and ‘change’ God to fit my ideas, I want Him to change me that I would be in alignment with the truth of who He is. I want to take His Word as it is… and let myself be changed. I don’t want to twist His Word to feed misconception… I want to allow His Word to shatter them and fill me with truth. Which really spurs me on to know the Word… and to know God. Not just what other people tell me about Him… but what God says. To be washed with the very water of His Word (Ephesians 5:26), proceeding from His mouth (Deuteronomy 8:3). I want to fellowship with the Spirit (Philippians 2:1) that searches the deep things of God (1 Corinthians 2:10)… the same Spirit that dwells inside of me (John 14:17). The very Spirit that proceeds from the Father (John 15:26) has taken up residence inside of me (Romans 8:9). That does my head in a little bit…

I want to learn from God who God is… for who is a Teacher like Him (Job 36:22)? And He is holy… there is no-one like Him (Revelation 4:8). He alone can fully comprehend Himself (Isaiah 40:13)… so I want to know God, according to God. Now I am not disregarding the importance of being taught by others… I do believe that the fullest expression of the spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) is in a corporate context (1 Corinthians 13:9-10). Haha I once went through a stage where I was all “I am not going to read books about God other than the Bible!! Why should I learn from anyone other than God who God is??” God is so tender… He gently corrected me… I’m sure He delighted in my heart (Song of Songs 1:5), but all the same, I was a bit deluded… but His kindness led me to repentance :) (Romans 2:4) He blesses me with so many people who reveal Him to me… whether they are preaching a sermon, the author of a book I’m reading, someone discussing the Word with me or simply a friend being a display of His splendour (Isaiah 60:21) just by being themselves.

But at the end of the day… I don’t want to live off other people’s revelations and encounters. I want my own… I want a personal history with God. I want my roots to go deep in Him. No amount of depth someone else has in the Lord will send my roots down deep. He’s coming and going to shake everything that can be shaken (Haggai 2:6)… knowing people rooted and grounded in His love (Ephesians 3:17) and the knowledge of Him doesn’t make me rooted and grounded. So I fast, I pray and I read the Word so that I can grow in relationship with God… and let that overflow into relationship with others… to spur other people to pursue God in their own lives. I want to be spurred on by others to go deep in God. I want to spur others on to go deep in God.

I want to learn from God who God is. I want to be one who chooses the one thing that is needed… to sit at His feet and listen to what He has to say (Luke 10:38-42). For surely He wants to make Himself known (Isaiah 65:1), and if only I seek to listen will He tell me great and unsearchable things that I do not know (Jeremiah 33:3).

Analogies of God as the dad and me the little girl help me…

I was pondering the other day why God likes the little songs I write Him… I’m no recording artist and they’re nothing fancy… I’m just using the gifts He gave me to sing my heart out to Him, to bless His heart (Psalm 147:1). I know He likes them because they’re expressions of the inward reality of my heart’s little movements towards Him… that is what matters to Him most… I could have the most incredible sounding song in the world, but if there’s no love behind it… it means nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1).

And I also thought about a little girl painting her daddy a picture… with the paint he bought her on the paper he gave her (James 1:17). And he might’ve taught her how to paint in the first place (Job 36:22)… how to hold the paintbrush, dip it in the pot (oh, little multicoloured plastic pots of paint… always with the same colour lid as the paint they hold… they made childhood just that little bit more delightful) and then go crazy with swipes and splats and swirls… he gave her everything in order for her to paint. And then she takes the gifts and makes something for him in return… and he treasures that little painting. She’s just giving back what he gave her… but in a way that is just so her, maybe not full of skill in the eyes of the world, but it is full of love. She took a gift from him to give a gift to him. And he loves it!! Oh and then when she says “I made it just for you, ‘cuz I love you” *big grin* and his heart meeelts (Song of Songs 4:9)…

Like God and my songs and my little spins and twirls…

Like God and those little things you do for Him with the gifts He gave you

I delight in red pandas. Giant pandas. Otters. Among many other things… but most of all the God who created all of it.

Delight… it’s delightful

I love that God actually finds delight in things outside of Himself. You think that if you were the transcendent in beauty Lord God Almighty, in the perfect community of the Trinity you’d have no desire to create more things to take delight in. But it was in accordance with His desire that He created (Revelation 4:11). And He liked it (Genesis 1:21). And He delights in us, His creation… enough to even become His creation and die for our sins (Philippians 2:8). For the joy set before Him He endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2)… He desires us… that we would be with Him where He is (John 17:24).

Love is beautiful

I want to know this One who is love (1 John 4:8)… this One whose name is Jealous (Exodus 34:14). I want to know this One who makes all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11)… this One who gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I want to see this One who is beautiful and glorious (Isaiah 4:2)… and be transformed. When I see Him I’ll be like Him (1 John 3:2). I want to be like Jesus… I want who I am to make Him known. If people are drawn to me I want them to be pointed to God. I want to display His splendour (Isaiah 60:21).

I want to be beautiful!!

… but not beautiful as defined as superficiality that fades (Isaiah 40:6) or comes off with a quick swipe of *makeup remover (Jeremiah 4:30). Not deceptive charm (Proverbs 31:30), flirty eyes (Isaiah 3:16) and foolish, fake laughter (Ecclesiastes 7:6).

*I am not taking a swipe at makeup and makeup-wearers. What I have a problem with is makeup being relied on for confidence in beauty… in my own life I have found it too easy to run to when I’m feeling insecure…

I want to have unfading beauty (1 Peter 3:4). The beauty of a heart fully confident and mature in love (Song of Songs 8). Most of all I want to be beautiful as in people interact with me and are directed to the beautiful God. I want to be beautiful in that who I am reveals Jesus… the One who is beautiful and glorious. I want to be a reflection of the beautiful, uncreated God.

… it’s a work in progress. But He makes all things beautiful in their time… inwardly He is renewing me day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16). And I don’t want to keep it on the inside (hehe if that’s possible)… I want to overflow. All the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that He is cultivating in me (Galatians 5:22-23)… I want it to flow unhindered outward. That is beautiful.

I am definitely not there yet. But He is. He is so beautiful… I don’t even know. I just know that there’s so much more than the little I’ve already seen (1 Corinthians 2:9)… and I’m hungry for the ‘more’. And I want to be part of a generation hungry for the knowledge of God… and generation with a divine dissatisfaction… a holy hunger (yay for alliterations!!). A generation captivated by the beauty of the Lord, with hearts set on seeking Him out (Psalm 27:4).

Hmmm I wrote this a couple of months ago… August 4th, to be exact… I remember it was after Misty Edwards spoke at the church service… and she read my mail… pretty much put everything going on in my heart and all the stuff God had been speaking to me into words… I was crying so hard I could barely even breathe…

 … and I was cleaning my room today and found it…

He sees rightly… and He calls you lovely. He is not a man that He should lie. The perfection of beauty sees you and your heart that loves Him… and He finds you beautiful. He who created all that we consider beautiful… mountains, sunsets, oceans… yet they don’t move His heart. Yet you have stolen His heart with but one glance of your eye. The voice that spoke creation tells you that He loves you and He finds you beautiful. He is the perfection of beauty. He alone truly knows what beauty really looks like… and He looks at you and finds your love for Him beautiful. He doesn’t define you by your struggles and failures… He defines you by your earnest desire to love and obey Him. He sees your weak but true love and calls you forth… He is inviting us into wholeheartedness… who will respond? Who will arise, confident in His unfailing love, and follow Him? Who will incline their ear and consider His invitation? His eyes search to and fro… looking for a lover… looking for a friend… Who will arise into wholeheartedness? Who will arise into righteousness? Who will arise into undistracted, undivided devotion? Who will embrace the cross? Who will take up their cross, splinters and all, and follow Him? Who will follow the Lamb? Who will follow the Good Shepherd? Who will be allured into the desert so that they could come out leaning upon their Lover? Who will love with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength? Who will be a lover of that which He fights for? Truth. Humility. Righteousness. Who will be a friend of the Bridegroom? Who will be a voice crying out in the wilderness, “Prepare the way of the Lord!” Who is lovesick? Whose heart joins with all creation and it groans and longs for His return? Who desires to be with Him where He is? Who is captivated? Who is fascinated? Who will be found fully in love? Who has gazed into His eyes of fire and has had their heart set ablaze with passion? Who will consider all things loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus? Who will live for Him? Who will die for Him? Who has been forgiven much? Who will love much? Who will hear His voice and speak it forth?

Arise…