This the response to a teaser in a previous post. I tried to be kind of sneaky because I don’t know for sure, so I was wondering what my readers thought… and I love Katie’s answer (click on the link to the previous post to see her answer). And I talked to a friend who goes to Bible college and he said something I like a lot, that the light then came from the same place the light is going to come from when there is again no sun.

“The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp.”

– Revelation 21:23

Yep. Good answer. And then props to Biblegateway for these…

• “… You are my lamp, O LORD, and my God lightens my darkness.” 2 Samuel 22:29
• “… our God gives light to our eyes…” Ezra 9:8
• “… LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.” Psalm 4:6
• “For the LORD God is a sun and shield…” Psalm 84:11
• “The LORD is God, and He Has made His light shine upon us.” Psalm 118:27
• “The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light…” Isaiah 60:19
• “… the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” 2 Corinthians 4:4
• “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6
• “… declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9
• “… God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5
• “… the glory of God gives [the New Jerusalem] light…” Revelation 21:23
• “They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light.” Revelation 22:5

I love 1 John 1:5. That God is light. Although that doesn’t mean that light is God. Maybe a bit like a rooster is a chicken but a chicken isn’t necessarily a rooster. God is way more intense than a rooster though but at any rate, one BIG reason why light cannot be God is because God is uncreated. God is the Creator (Romans 1:25), not a creation. God didn’t say “Let there be God…” because that would mean He was created, and that He had a beginning. HE is the beginning (Revelation 1:8).

So I like what Revelation 21:23 says. That His glory gives light… soooo maybe the light was His glory being revealed through creation… to creation. We were, after all, created for His glory (Isaiah 43:7)… and even the heavens declare His glory (Psalm 19:1). So maybe it’s about His glory being revealed in the tangible and visible… that we would encounter Him. Let there be light… let God be revealed to something other than God.

Yep… those are my thoughts… I’m glad you’re reading this, it means my thoughts are getting bounced like a multicoloured bouncy ball… hopefully my thoughts about God are more than a bouncy ball… then again, they are but a drop in an unending ocean…

Eternity is so exciting… that’s how long it takes to search out God… and that’s exactly how long He gives us

Count it all joy (James 1:2), he says!! Oh and “… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…” (Philippians 4:11) chimes in his buddy Paul. Oh and if that wasn’t enough, Paul also tells us to “… be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances…” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Yeh, well, what do you guys know?? You’re not a reluctant university student, doing a commerce degree against your will who just wants to be singing and dancing in a prayer room. Ok, Paul, it’s all well and good for you to tell me to count it all joy…

• you received forty stripes minus one from the Jews five times
• you were beaten with rods three times
• you were stoned once
• shipwrecked three times
• have spent a night and a day out at sea
• endangered by waters, robbers, your own countrymen, Gentiles
• endangered in the city, wilderness, at sea, among false brethren
• endured weariness, toil, frequent sleeplessness, hunger, thirst, frequent fasting, the cold and nakedness

– 2 Corinthians 11:24-27

Suck it up, mate!! I have essays to do, readings to trawl through, podcasts to endure, boooooring lectures to sit through… and you tell me to count it all JOY?? Mate, I’ll take the shipwrecks any day…

… I am totally kidding.

Sooooo… I need to complain less and trust Him more. To lift my eyes and fix them on Him, no matter how sucky my circumstances feel. I need to count it all joy, be content in all circumstances, be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances.

Not that God doesn’t notice or care about how much I hate being at uni… He knows all the reasons why I hate it… but He also knows all the reasons why He won’t let me get out… He knows the desires He put in my heart, He knows the gifts and abilities He’s given me, He knows the things I enjoy, He knows what fascinates me… and what makes me so bored I want to run out of a lecture hall SCREAMING!!… He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11)… He has searched me and knows me (Psalm 139:1)… He created me… and He loves me. He hears my prayers, He sees every time I cry and treasures every tear (Psalm 56:8), He sees my confusion and distress… and yet even though He sees the big picture and is so much bigger than all these things that seem so overwhelming for my little heart… in all my distress He is distressed (Isaiah 63:9)… because He loves me.

He loves me… *smile*… that truth is enough to make me smile and feel just a little more peaceful even in the midst of a trying day at work or uni… enough to make me want to dance and sing all the time… enough to be transforming everything about me… enough to set my heart on a pilgrimage (Psalm 84:5)… enough to turn my heart from hating Him to loving Him.

And hey, I am fully deserving of hell… but now I get to be with Him forever, dwelling eternally in the fullness of joy in His presence (Psalm 16:11). I have to get through uni first though… but it’s better than hell

Soooo… this is pretty much my favourite song at the moment… haha sorry about the Spanish subtitles and sometimes odd slideshow (I don’t understand the significance of long lines of people holding hands…), but it was the only way I could get the song actually on here…

• “… apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
• “Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.” Psalm 40:17
• “The Lord hears the needy and does not despise His captive people.” Psalm 69:33
• “The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.” Psalm 116:6

I like John 15:5. Apart from Him we can do NOTHING. I’m clinging to that truth… and running into Him when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my weakness… and humbling myself when I’m feeling like I’ve got it all together in my own strength.

But lately I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed than having it all together. Taking a long hard look at the choices He’s put infront of me about a whole bunch of things, consequences of choosing either option, confusion over what His will is, meeting my inability to know what is His voice and will, feelin’ torn between obedience, wisdom and desire… and feelin’ overwhelmed…

And yet, in my weakness His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). And He sees past the weakness and treasures the heart that desires to love and obey Him completely… He delights in it… says that I am dark yet lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). And He knows, even more than I am discovering, that I can do nothing without Him (John 15:5). And He wants me to love and obey Him even more than I want to. And I ask Him to help me… and so He will. He will. He is the God who saves (Psalm 68:20)… the God who delivers me because He delights in me (Psalm 18:19)… and strengthens my feeble knees (Job 4:4) and helps me run after Him… even when I feel able to do no more than curl up into a ball and cry. But by the grace He’s given me I choose to not cry about my weakness but rejoice in His strength…

… and spend all day singing this song… my life is a musical, for sure…

ps. everyone loves a good “na na na na na na na…” at least I do…

Soooo… obedience. The Lord likes it (1 Samuel 15:22). He is the Lord God Almighty (Revelation 4:8)… that fact alone commands it. I like the idea of it, especially the idea of me living it 100%… but I often don’t like the fact that it can be hurty. And so I am so often so quick to choose disobedience because it doesn’t hurt (at the time anyway)… but, well, God is pretty good at ska-weeeeezing my little heart (aka. conviction)… or removing His presence beyond my ability to feel it (Song of Songs 3:1)… which also hurts my little heart… until I’m like “ow ow I’m sorry!!” and come running back and into His unending mercy (Revelation 4:3)… into the fact that because He loves me Jesus became the atoning sacrifice for my sins (1 John 4:10)… and then get caught up in the wonder that through no achievement or righteousness of my own I have been given right-standing before God (Romans 5:17). Be amazed that this God who knows me completely (Psalm 139:1)… sees the darkness yet calls me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). Try to comprehend the love that caused Jesus to be pierced for my transgressions… crushed for my iniquities (Isaiah 53:5)… this love that surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:19)…

In the face of this love… this grace that has been given to me… whyyyy would I want to disobey? To grieve the One who loves me so much and delights in me??

And yet I do…

But I am getting better. Going from strength to strength (Psalm 84:7)… even though I still am so weak… for He gives strength to those who have none (Isaiah 40:29). He is so kind. So merciful… delighting in showing mercy (Micah 7:18)… delighting in me… delighting in showing me mercy. Yes, I stumble… but He gives me strength to get up and keep plugging away (Job 4:4)… knowing that the stumbles don’t intimidate or overwhelm Him… yet somehow my little weak love overwhelms His heart (Song of Songs 4:9). Knowing that when I choose to get up again, to trust in His love, to set my heart on a pilgrimage (Psalm 84:5), to forget the other lovers and run after Him (Hosea 2:7)… it matters to Him. And I don’t have to cautiously come back… face a God who is frosty and distant because I ’surprised’ Him or ‘ruined all His plans’ by messing up again… no, I come boldly before a throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16)… and am met by Him running out to meet me as I come back (Luke 15:20)… and my mistakes and stumbles could never be so big as to cancel out His Sovereignity.

Now, I am certainly not saying that I have no need to try to obey completely… the Bible is clear that we are to make every effort to be holy (Hebrews 12:14), that He desires our obedience (1 Samuel 15:22), that there are definitely rewards for obedience (Psalm 149:19, Psalm 84:11… among LOTS of others…)… but until I get there… while I am still stumbling away… His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).

He loves me, yes yes He does!!  *dancedancedance* … and so I love Him (1 John 4:19)… how could I not love the One who loves me so much??

And He loves you… and He loves everybody (John 3:16)… that is exciting!!

… also terrifying, when you consider His jealousy.

Here is a verse that does my head in:

“Jesus replied, ‘Friend, do what you came for.’” Matthew 26:50

This is the context… the man Jesus is calling ‘friend’ is none other than Judas Iscariot, who has just betrayed Him with a kiss. Jesus has been betrayed unto a slow and painful death on the cross… and yet still calls him ‘friend’. ARGH!! My little head can’t get around that. Proverbs 17:17 says that a friend loves at all times… Jesus loved Judas and called him a friend… even though this is the man who had just betrayed Him. What love is this??

And He calls us His friends… He chose us to be His friends (John 15:15-16). He has chosen us to be those who love Him at all times (Proverbs 17:17). He has chosen us to be those fully obedient to His will (John 15:14). Even though we chose disobedience in the garden (Genesis 3). Even though our hearts are inclined to love darkness (John 3:19). He has called us friends… calling us up and out of our love of darkness and disobedience and into wholehearted love and obedience. He called us out of darkness and into the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:6). He delivered us because He delighted in us (Psalm 18:19)… even when we found no delight in Him. When we were His enemies He died for us (Romans 5:10)… because He loved us. Truly, there is NO greater love than this (John 15:13). And He says to us: you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). A commandment… a prophecy… the vision statement of my life

A third of the angels in heaven rebelled (Revelation 4:12) and He banished them (Revelation 12:8). No second chances. Yet all of mankind chose to rebel… and He refused to sit back and let us go. He so loved us that He sent His Son to the cross as an atoning sacrifice for our sins, that we might return to Him and be with Him forever (John 3:16). This is love (1 John 4:10)… and it is for us (Song of Songs 7:10). He has pursued us… He is so determined to love.

You can see it in His faithfulness to Israel. Even after all of her harlotry… the Lord Almighty will be her Husband (Isaiah 54:5). He is fully committed to redeeming her (Isaiah 63:9) and establishing her in righteousness (Isaiah 62:1). He is undeterred by her lack of love towards Him but keeps on loving faithfully… knowing that one day she will return and she will be glorious (Isaiah 62:2)… but only because of His love. Not because of anything she ‘earned’. But simply because He loves her.

I am so glad that God is exactly the way He is!! I LOVE that God is love (1 John 4:8)!! Love that is knowledge surpassing (Ephesians 3:19), an all-consuming (Deuteronomy 4:24) and unquenchable fire (Song of Songs 8:7)… all that directed towards me… and you… and everybody… longing for us to turn to Him… and love in return.

And yet so many don’t. And won’t. And yet somehow… He chose me to one who would love Him (Romans 8:28-29). I am so unworthy of His love… yet it remains for me… He considers me worthy of love… how could I not love the One who loves me so incomprehensibly much?? The One who knows my darkness more than I do… and yet calls me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). He sees rightly… and calls me lovely. Calling things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17). Calling them into being… this One who spoke creation (Genesis 1). He calls me lovely… and so I am (in part…)… and so I will be.

Woooow… reading through again, this is full of bunny trails… Jesus’ love for Judas, Christians, mankind in general, Israel, me, you, everybody, back to me… my heart was overflowin’ with a good theme for sure… LOVE

I have been pondering comfort lately. I remember Stuart Greaves saying something along the lines of “what comforts you is what you use to comfort others.” That has stuck with me. Because I want to be someone who directs hearts into the love of God (2 Thessalonians 3:5)… but I am aware that if I am not running into His love and getting experiencial knowledge of the comfort His love alone brings, I won’t be so quick to tell others to run into His love… because I won’t really believe that it helps. Or I’ll be calling people into something I myself am not living. Now, I don’t ‘have it all together’, but I at least want to be trying to do something and bringing others along for the ride instead of “you need to do ‘this, this and this…’” but not actually be doing/trying to do it myself.

So I have been observing myself lately… watching what I run to when I’m needing comfort. Some stuff definitely has to change… food and sleep are the two I have in mind!! There has been some progress though. Back in the ‘dark days’ (hmm… I don’t think I’ve ever shared my testimony on this blog… I should…) I used to listen to depressing music when I was depressed… thinking it would make me feel ‘better’. Surprise surprise… it didn’t. Buut I don’t do that anymore More and more I am starting to go to the Word and feed myself on truth… gaining perspective on the way things really are… the way He sees them. Not the way I see them after they are filtered through my emotions and weak understanding.

I refuse to be comforted by lies. An example of this is how back in the ‘dark days’ I used to stop myself crying by saying “Helen, no-one cares.” But I now know that that’s not true. So now if I cry I take comfort in the fact that God sees and hears and cares about the fact that I am feeling sad (Psalm 56:8). I want to be one who finds truth the source of her comfort.

I want my comfort to be found in the Truth Himself, Jesus Christ (John 14:6)… not only for the sake of my heart, but also that I would direct others into Him too… this One who sympathises with us in our weakness (Hebrews 4:15). This One who Himself is well-acquainted with suffering (Isaiah 53:3), beyond anything we have ever personally experienced. I want to run after Him and into His presence… for in His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 3-4

“You are fairer than the sons of men; grace is poured upon Your lips…” Psalm 45:2

One thing I get from reading this verse is that with every word He speaks to me comes the grace to walk it out. That gives me courage to press on when I’m feeling overwhelmed and being all “God… are You sure You know I can do this??” He will not give me more than I can handle… well, maybe more than I myself can handle (2 Corinthians 1:8). But I am not alone. He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). He is high and lofty… yet is with the lowly (Isaiah 57:15). He has searched me and He knows me (Psalm 139:1)… He knows my limits… He knows that I am but dust (Psalm 103:14)… and so helps me. Oh the humility. He doesn’t need anyone else’s help… and we don’t really have anything to offer in and of ourselves anyway. But He lets us partner with Him in what He’s doing in the world (eg. intercession, evangelism etc.)… and then He also helps us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

He really likes humility. He is humble… the Lord God Almighty, servant of all (Mark 10:45). That challenges me to like being humble… I’m not there yet. But I want to be… because He is. I need grace to choose humility… the very fact that I want to be exalted means that I should choose humility. I want to take Him at His word when He said “… whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12

Jesus went ahead of me. He was humble and obedient even unto death (Philippians 2:6-8). He did it… and so I can. He overcame, and so I can (Revelation 3:21). He is, after all, within me… the very hope of my glory (Colossians 1:12). He tells me to take up my cross and follow Him (Matthew 10:38)… He took up His cross first. He tells me to resist temptation… He was tempted in every way and yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). He understands completely… and is more than able to help completely… I need to learn to stop trying to lean on my own strength (haha or lack thereof…) and trust in His strength… the grace that is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I delight in red pandas. Giant pandas. Otters. Among many other things… but most of all the God who created all of it.

Delight… it’s delightful

I love that God actually finds delight in things outside of Himself. You think that if you were the transcendent in beauty Lord God Almighty, in the perfect community of the Trinity you’d have no desire to create more things to take delight in. But it was in accordance with His desire that He created (Revelation 4:11). And He liked it (Genesis 1:21). And He delights in us, His creation… enough to even become His creation and die for our sins (Philippians 2:8). For the joy set before Him He endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2)… He desires us… that we would be with Him where He is (John 17:24).

Love is beautiful

I want to know this One who is love (1 John 4:8)… this One whose name is Jealous (Exodus 34:14). I want to know this One who makes all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11)… this One who gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I want to see this One who is beautiful and glorious (Isaiah 4:2)… and be transformed. When I see Him I’ll be like Him (1 John 3:2). I want to be like Jesus… I want who I am to make Him known. If people are drawn to me I want them to be pointed to God. I want to display His splendour (Isaiah 60:21).

I want to be beautiful!!

… but not beautiful as defined as superficiality that fades (Isaiah 40:6) or comes off with a quick swipe of *makeup remover (Jeremiah 4:30). Not deceptive charm (Proverbs 31:30), flirty eyes (Isaiah 3:16) and foolish, fake laughter (Ecclesiastes 7:6).

*I am not taking a swipe at makeup and makeup-wearers. What I have a problem with is makeup being relied on for confidence in beauty… in my own life I have found it too easy to run to when I’m feeling insecure…

I want to have unfading beauty (1 Peter 3:4). The beauty of a heart fully confident and mature in love (Song of Songs 8). Most of all I want to be beautiful as in people interact with me and are directed to the beautiful God. I want to be beautiful in that who I am reveals Jesus… the One who is beautiful and glorious. I want to be a reflection of the beautiful, uncreated God.

… it’s a work in progress. But He makes all things beautiful in their time… inwardly He is renewing me day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16). And I don’t want to keep it on the inside (hehe if that’s possible)… I want to overflow. All the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that He is cultivating in me (Galatians 5:22-23)… I want it to flow unhindered outward. That is beautiful.

I am definitely not there yet. But He is. He is so beautiful… I don’t even know. I just know that there’s so much more than the little I’ve already seen (1 Corinthians 2:9)… and I’m hungry for the ‘more’. And I want to be part of a generation hungry for the knowledge of God… and generation with a divine dissatisfaction… a holy hunger (yay for alliterations!!). A generation captivated by the beauty of the Lord, with hearts set on seeking Him out (Psalm 27:4).

Something God’s been repeating to me over and over again for a while now is ‘be faithful with little’ (Matthew 25:21) along with ‘don’t despise the days of small beginnings’ (Zechariah 4:10). He knows I need to be reminded… ‘cuz I tend to go a little crazy on the inside when I’m feeling small… but I am okay with being small if I know that even in my smallness I am an irreplaceable part of something bigger than me. It blows my little mind that the Lord God Almighty sees my little heart (1 Chronicles 28:9) inside of little me on little planet earth in this little universe that He measures with the span of His hand (Isaiah 40:12)… and even it’s weakest movements towards Him move His heart (Song of Songs 4:9). Praise the Lord that He is exactly who He is!!

If my small “I love You” moves His heart… I guess it can’t be that small then

… well, in itself it is. But His big response… the way He treasures every movement of my heart towards Him (Psalm 56:8)… the big way my little weak love moves His heart makes it ‘big’. It’s totally not about me and what I have to bring (or lack thereof), but about Him. His kindness makes me great (Psalm 18:35). His love for me makes my weak-but-true love for Him mean anything. I love Him for He first loved me (1 John 4:19). And His great love for me is the reason why my weak love can move His great heart at all.

I think I talked round and round in circles then. Maybe. I’m getting kinda lost in the wonder of it all

But back to small beginnings… I mentioned it briefly in the first paragraph and I want to expound a little

I tend to get so frustrated by the small beginnings but instead of waiting and being faithful until He chooses to entrust me with more (Matthew 25:23) I try to grab it for myself… thinking that I am wiser than God and so acting accordingly… but I am not wiser than God (Romans 11:34) so my attempts in my own strength fail (Hosea 10:13)… but His kindness remains and leads me back to repentance (Romans 2:4)… over and over and over… and then quietness and trust (Isaiah 30:15). Praise the Lord that He delights in showing His mercy (Micah 7:1 and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10). Because of the cross I can mess up over and over… but then truly repent and run back into Him (Hebrews 4:16), knowing that I am fully accepted (Romans 8:1) and knowledge-surpassingly loved (Ephesians 3:19). No ‘reacceptance probation period’… I am not rejected until I can prove to Him that I really do have it ‘all together’ (I don’t…). I am just met with unfailing love… which means more than warm fuzzies. God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:12)… but He also allures us into the wilderness to speak tenderly (Hosea 2:14).

SO much love I love it. I love Him.

And He teaches me to not make the same mistakes again (Job 4:4). He takes my ashes and gives me His beauty… over and over and over… surely I am for His glory (Isaiah 61:3). Surely my weakness makes for a perfect display for His unfailing strength (2 Corinthians 12:9)… grace that is sufficient for take weak and broken vessels and display His splendour (2 Corinthians 4:7). So I may be feelin’ the small… feelin’ the ashes… but trusting when He promises beauty. He makes all things beautiful in their time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). And so I wait… doing my best to be faithful and love well. He is worthy of a beautiful inheritance… an equally yoked Bride, dressed in spotless white (Revelation 19:8).

The Bride of Christ also counts as something bigger than me that I am glad to be a part of

So, I was feeling a little bit Nightwatchy again and so it is 12:40am and I am awake… and blogging

But prior to this blog sesh I sat down at my dearly beloved piano and plunked away for a little bit… I try to do harp and bowl style worship with the words by myself. I’ve really been struck over the last few days with the simple thought that God likes it when I sing to Him (Song of Songs 4:10). Even a little “I love You Jeeeesus” over and over again… He delights in that. He hears me… and LIKES what He hears (Song of Songs 2:14, Job 33:26). Even if it’s a little off key. Even if I totally mess up a chord progression. Me singing to Him is me expressing my heart. It’s doing on the outside what my heart is doing on the inside. He makes me want to sing, He makes me want to dance… and so I sing and I dance and He likes it so much delight… His delight, my delight… delightful

And I find this incredible… He rejoices and sings over me too (Zephaniah 3:17).

 He’s also been showing me that singing about Him/to Him is even more than simply me rejoicing in Him… it is powerful… it is warfare (Isaiah 30:32). Declaring truth is warfare (Hebrews 4:12), not with the weapons of this world but those with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4). This is something I ‘knew’ because it gets talked about all the time… but lately it’s been going from ‘oh yeah, I know that…’ to actually believing it.

I don’t want to sing and people think no further than ‘oh, that’s pretty…’ I want to sing and people know that He is God. I want the fear of the Lord to be released (Psalm 111:10). I want to declare what is on His heart. I want to sing and people get healed… and I want to sing and His heart to be blessed (Genesis 24:4

And so I sing…