Soooo… this is pretty much my favourite song at the moment… haha sorry about the Spanish subtitles and sometimes odd slideshow (I don’t understand the significance of long lines of people holding hands…), but it was the only way I could get the song actually on here…

• “… apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
• “Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.” Psalm 40:17
• “The Lord hears the needy and does not despise His captive people.” Psalm 69:33
• “The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.” Psalm 116:6

I like John 15:5. Apart from Him we can do NOTHING. I’m clinging to that truth… and running into Him when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my weakness… and humbling myself when I’m feeling like I’ve got it all together in my own strength.

But lately I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed than having it all together. Taking a long hard look at the choices He’s put infront of me about a whole bunch of things, consequences of choosing either option, confusion over what His will is, meeting my inability to know what is His voice and will, feelin’ torn between obedience, wisdom and desire… and feelin’ overwhelmed…

And yet, in my weakness His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). And He sees past the weakness and treasures the heart that desires to love and obey Him completely… He delights in it… says that I am dark yet lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). And He knows, even more than I am discovering, that I can do nothing without Him (John 15:5). And He wants me to love and obey Him even more than I want to. And I ask Him to help me… and so He will. He will. He is the God who saves (Psalm 68:20)… the God who delivers me because He delights in me (Psalm 18:19)… and strengthens my feeble knees (Job 4:4) and helps me run after Him… even when I feel able to do no more than curl up into a ball and cry. But by the grace He’s given me I choose to not cry about my weakness but rejoice in His strength…

… and spend all day singing this song… my life is a musical, for sure…

ps. everyone loves a good “na na na na na na na…” at least I do…

Aaaaaaaargh. I used to have a really bad temper when I was little… and I’ve pretty much grown out of it… but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I still have my moments. And today I spent the second half of a lecture trying to chill out from one such moment…

I love the Word of God… I can’t argue with it and win (Job 40:2). It is truth (John 17:17). And it pleases Him when I try to live it (1 Samuel 15:22). His Word chills me out when I feel that temper bubbling away underneath the surface…

Good ol’ Proverbs… gets you every time…

• A quick-tempered man does foolish things… (Proverbs 14:17)
• A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly (Proverbs 14:29)
• A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:1
• Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city (Proverbs 16:32)
• Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered… (Proverbs 22:24)
• An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins… (Proverbs 29:22)

*siiiigh* my pride has to die. I want to be like Jesus.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8

Soooo… obedience. The Lord likes it (1 Samuel 15:22). He is the Lord God Almighty (Revelation 4:8)… that fact alone commands it. I like the idea of it, especially the idea of me living it 100%… but I often don’t like the fact that it can be hurty. And so I am so often so quick to choose disobedience because it doesn’t hurt (at the time anyway)… but, well, God is pretty good at ska-weeeeezing my little heart (aka. conviction)… or removing His presence beyond my ability to feel it (Song of Songs 3:1)… which also hurts my little heart… until I’m like “ow ow I’m sorry!!” and come running back and into His unending mercy (Revelation 4:3)… into the fact that because He loves me Jesus became the atoning sacrifice for my sins (1 John 4:10)… and then get caught up in the wonder that through no achievement or righteousness of my own I have been given right-standing before God (Romans 5:17). Be amazed that this God who knows me completely (Psalm 139:1)… sees the darkness yet calls me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). Try to comprehend the love that caused Jesus to be pierced for my transgressions… crushed for my iniquities (Isaiah 53:5)… this love that surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:19)…

In the face of this love… this grace that has been given to me… whyyyy would I want to disobey? To grieve the One who loves me so much and delights in me??

And yet I do…

But I am getting better. Going from strength to strength (Psalm 84:7)… even though I still am so weak… for He gives strength to those who have none (Isaiah 40:29). He is so kind. So merciful… delighting in showing mercy (Micah 7:18)… delighting in me… delighting in showing me mercy. Yes, I stumble… but He gives me strength to get up and keep plugging away (Job 4:4)… knowing that the stumbles don’t intimidate or overwhelm Him… yet somehow my little weak love overwhelms His heart (Song of Songs 4:9). Knowing that when I choose to get up again, to trust in His love, to set my heart on a pilgrimage (Psalm 84:5), to forget the other lovers and run after Him (Hosea 2:7)… it matters to Him. And I don’t have to cautiously come back… face a God who is frosty and distant because I ’surprised’ Him or ‘ruined all His plans’ by messing up again… no, I come boldly before a throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16)… and am met by Him running out to meet me as I come back (Luke 15:20)… and my mistakes and stumbles could never be so big as to cancel out His Sovereignity.

Now, I am certainly not saying that I have no need to try to obey completely… the Bible is clear that we are to make every effort to be holy (Hebrews 12:14), that He desires our obedience (1 Samuel 15:22), that there are definitely rewards for obedience (Psalm 149:19, Psalm 84:11… among LOTS of others…)… but until I get there… while I am still stumbling away… His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).

He loves me, yes yes He does!!  *dancedancedance* … and so I love Him (1 John 4:19)… how could I not love the One who loves me so much??

And He loves you… and He loves everybody (John 3:16)… that is exciting!!

… also terrifying, when you consider His jealousy.

I believe that if it’s anything vs. God… God wins. That most definitely includes me vs. God. So when I read something in the Word I don’t understand I do not try to play around with it until it fits my little ideas and possible misconceptions about God. I don’t want to try and ‘change’ God to fit my ideas, I want Him to change me that I would be in alignment with the truth of who He is. I want to take His Word as it is… and let myself be changed. I don’t want to twist His Word to feed misconception… I want to allow His Word to shatter them and fill me with truth. Which really spurs me on to know the Word… and to know God. Not just what other people tell me about Him… but what God says. To be washed with the very water of His Word (Ephesians 5:26), proceeding from His mouth (Deuteronomy 8:3). I want to fellowship with the Spirit (Philippians 2:1) that searches the deep things of God (1 Corinthians 2:10)… the same Spirit that dwells inside of me (John 14:17). The very Spirit that proceeds from the Father (John 15:26) has taken up residence inside of me (Romans 8:9). That does my head in a little bit…

I want to learn from God who God is… for who is a Teacher like Him (Job 36:22)? And He is holy… there is no-one like Him (Revelation 4:8). He alone can fully comprehend Himself (Isaiah 40:13)… so I want to know God, according to God. Now I am not disregarding the importance of being taught by others… I do believe that the fullest expression of the spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) is in a corporate context (1 Corinthians 13:9-10). Haha I once went through a stage where I was all “I am not going to read books about God other than the Bible!! Why should I learn from anyone other than God who God is??” God is so tender… He gently corrected me… I’m sure He delighted in my heart (Song of Songs 1:5), but all the same, I was a bit deluded… but His kindness led me to repentance :) (Romans 2:4) He blesses me with so many people who reveal Him to me… whether they are preaching a sermon, the author of a book I’m reading, someone discussing the Word with me or simply a friend being a display of His splendour (Isaiah 60:21) just by being themselves.

But at the end of the day… I don’t want to live off other people’s revelations and encounters. I want my own… I want a personal history with God. I want my roots to go deep in Him. No amount of depth someone else has in the Lord will send my roots down deep. He’s coming and going to shake everything that can be shaken (Haggai 2:6)… knowing people rooted and grounded in His love (Ephesians 3:17) and the knowledge of Him doesn’t make me rooted and grounded. So I fast, I pray and I read the Word so that I can grow in relationship with God… and let that overflow into relationship with others… to spur other people to pursue God in their own lives. I want to be spurred on by others to go deep in God. I want to spur others on to go deep in God.

I want to learn from God who God is. I want to be one who chooses the one thing that is needed… to sit at His feet and listen to what He has to say (Luke 10:38-42). For surely He wants to make Himself known (Isaiah 65:1), and if only I seek to listen will He tell me great and unsearchable things that I do not know (Jeremiah 33:3).

Analogies of God as the dad and me the little girl help me…

I was pondering the other day why God likes the little songs I write Him… I’m no recording artist and they’re nothing fancy… I’m just using the gifts He gave me to sing my heart out to Him, to bless His heart (Psalm 147:1). I know He likes them because they’re expressions of the inward reality of my heart’s little movements towards Him… that is what matters to Him most… I could have the most incredible sounding song in the world, but if there’s no love behind it… it means nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1).

And I also thought about a little girl painting her daddy a picture… with the paint he bought her on the paper he gave her (James 1:17). And he might’ve taught her how to paint in the first place (Job 36:22)… how to hold the paintbrush, dip it in the pot (oh, little multicoloured plastic pots of paint… always with the same colour lid as the paint they hold… they made childhood just that little bit more delightful) and then go crazy with swipes and splats and swirls… he gave her everything in order for her to paint. And then she takes the gifts and makes something for him in return… and he treasures that little painting. She’s just giving back what he gave her… but in a way that is just so her, maybe not full of skill in the eyes of the world, but it is full of love. She took a gift from him to give a gift to him. And he loves it!! Oh and then when she says “I made it just for you, ‘cuz I love you” *big grin* and his heart meeelts (Song of Songs 4:9)…

Like God and my songs and my little spins and twirls…

Like God and those little things you do for Him with the gifts He gave you

Something God’s been repeating to me over and over again for a while now is ‘be faithful with little’ (Matthew 25:21) along with ‘don’t despise the days of small beginnings’ (Zechariah 4:10). He knows I need to be reminded… ‘cuz I tend to go a little crazy on the inside when I’m feeling small… but I am okay with being small if I know that even in my smallness I am an irreplaceable part of something bigger than me. It blows my little mind that the Lord God Almighty sees my little heart (1 Chronicles 28:9) inside of little me on little planet earth in this little universe that He measures with the span of His hand (Isaiah 40:12)… and even it’s weakest movements towards Him move His heart (Song of Songs 4:9). Praise the Lord that He is exactly who He is!!

If my small “I love You” moves His heart… I guess it can’t be that small then

… well, in itself it is. But His big response… the way He treasures every movement of my heart towards Him (Psalm 56:8)… the big way my little weak love moves His heart makes it ‘big’. It’s totally not about me and what I have to bring (or lack thereof), but about Him. His kindness makes me great (Psalm 18:35). His love for me makes my weak-but-true love for Him mean anything. I love Him for He first loved me (1 John 4:19). And His great love for me is the reason why my weak love can move His great heart at all.

I think I talked round and round in circles then. Maybe. I’m getting kinda lost in the wonder of it all

But back to small beginnings… I mentioned it briefly in the first paragraph and I want to expound a little

I tend to get so frustrated by the small beginnings but instead of waiting and being faithful until He chooses to entrust me with more (Matthew 25:23) I try to grab it for myself… thinking that I am wiser than God and so acting accordingly… but I am not wiser than God (Romans 11:34) so my attempts in my own strength fail (Hosea 10:13)… but His kindness remains and leads me back to repentance (Romans 2:4)… over and over and over… and then quietness and trust (Isaiah 30:15). Praise the Lord that He delights in showing His mercy (Micah 7:1 and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10). Because of the cross I can mess up over and over… but then truly repent and run back into Him (Hebrews 4:16), knowing that I am fully accepted (Romans 8:1) and knowledge-surpassingly loved (Ephesians 3:19). No ‘reacceptance probation period’… I am not rejected until I can prove to Him that I really do have it ‘all together’ (I don’t…). I am just met with unfailing love… which means more than warm fuzzies. God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:12)… but He also allures us into the wilderness to speak tenderly (Hosea 2:14).

SO much love I love it. I love Him.

And He teaches me to not make the same mistakes again (Job 4:4). He takes my ashes and gives me His beauty… over and over and over… surely I am for His glory (Isaiah 61:3). Surely my weakness makes for a perfect display for His unfailing strength (2 Corinthians 12:9)… grace that is sufficient for take weak and broken vessels and display His splendour (2 Corinthians 4:7). So I may be feelin’ the small… feelin’ the ashes… but trusting when He promises beauty. He makes all things beautiful in their time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). And so I wait… doing my best to be faithful and love well. He is worthy of a beautiful inheritance… an equally yoked Bride, dressed in spotless white (Revelation 19:8).

The Bride of Christ also counts as something bigger than me that I am glad to be a part of

Hehe before I start let me just say… cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy!!

I wrote this on the train to work today… added finishing touches on the train ride home… mad props to Julie Andrews

To the tune of “My Favorite Things”:

Growing in knowledge of God and His glory

Learning to love Him… it’s now my life’s story

Living to make known the joy that He brings

These are a few of my favourite things

Job and Isaiah and sad Jeremiah

Psalms and the letters to Thessalonica

Song of Songs, Proverbs and all of the rest

Of any book I think BIBLE is best

*dramatic music part*

The Antichrist in the end times; nations getting mad

I simply remember my Sovereign King and then I don’t feel so bad

*back to happy music part*

Jesus of Nazareth, great intercessor

Died on the cross although I’m the transgressor

Desire of nations, rejected, despised

This is the Man to whom my heart does cry

*dramatic music again…*

When the darkness is all I see; when I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my God’s love for me and then I don’t feel so bad

Cheeeeesy but it made the daily commute delightful

So, I was feeling a little bit Nightwatchy again and so it is 12:40am and I am awake… and blogging

But prior to this blog sesh I sat down at my dearly beloved piano and plunked away for a little bit… I try to do harp and bowl style worship with the words by myself. I’ve really been struck over the last few days with the simple thought that God likes it when I sing to Him (Song of Songs 4:10). Even a little “I love You Jeeeesus” over and over again… He delights in that. He hears me… and LIKES what He hears (Song of Songs 2:14, Job 33:26). Even if it’s a little off key. Even if I totally mess up a chord progression. Me singing to Him is me expressing my heart. It’s doing on the outside what my heart is doing on the inside. He makes me want to sing, He makes me want to dance… and so I sing and I dance and He likes it so much delight… His delight, my delight… delightful

And I find this incredible… He rejoices and sings over me too (Zephaniah 3:17).

 He’s also been showing me that singing about Him/to Him is even more than simply me rejoicing in Him… it is powerful… it is warfare (Isaiah 30:32). Declaring truth is warfare (Hebrews 4:12), not with the weapons of this world but those with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4). This is something I ‘knew’ because it gets talked about all the time… but lately it’s been going from ‘oh yeah, I know that…’ to actually believing it.

I don’t want to sing and people think no further than ‘oh, that’s pretty…’ I want to sing and people know that He is God. I want the fear of the Lord to be released (Psalm 111:10). I want to declare what is on His heart. I want to sing and people get healed… and I want to sing and His heart to be blessed (Genesis 24:4

And so I sing…

“Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” Job 5:17

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.” Psalm 1:1
“Blessed are all who take refuge in Him.” Psalm 2:12, 34:8
“Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.” Psalm 32:1, Romans 4:7
“Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.” Psalm 32:2
“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people He chose for His inheritance.” Psalm 33:12
“Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud.” Psalm 40:4
“Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble.” Psalm 41:1
“Blessed are those You choose and bring near to live in Your courts! We are filled with the good things of Your house, of Your holy temple.” Psalm 65:4
“Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they are ever praising You.” Psalm 84:4
“Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.” Psalm 84:5
“Blessed is the man who trusts in You.” Psalm 84:12
“Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim You, who walk in the light of Your presence.” Psalm 89:15
“Blessed is the man You discipline, O LORD, the man You teach from Your law.” Psalm 94:12
“Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.” Psalm 106:3
“Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in His commands.” Psalm 112:1
“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.” Psalm 118:26
“Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD.” Psalm 119:1
“Blessed are they who keep His statutes and seek Him with all their heart.” Psalm 119:2
“Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of [sons born in his youth].” Psalm 127:5
“Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in His ways.” Psalm 128:1
“Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD.” Psalm 128:4
“Blessed are the people of whom this is true; blessed are the people whose God is the LORD.” Psalm 144:15
“Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God.” Psalm 146:5

“Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding.” Proverbs 3:13
“Blessed are those who keep My ways.” Proverbs 8:32
“Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My doors, waiting at My doorway.” Proverbs 8:34
“Blessed is he who is kind to the needy.” Proverbs 14:21
“Blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.” Proverbs 16:20
“Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD.” Proverbs 28:14
“Blessed is he who keeps the law.” Proverbs 29:18

“Blessed are all who wait for Him!” Isaiah 30:18
“Blessed is the man who [maintains justice and does what is right], the man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil.” Isaiah 56:2

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him.” Jeremiah 17:7

“Blessed is the one who waits for and reaches the end of the 1,335 days.” Daniel 12:12

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Matthew 5:8
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9
“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:10
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.” Matthew 5:11
“Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of Me.” Matthew 11:6, Luke 7:23

“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!” Luke 1:45
“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.” Luke 6:20
“Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.” Luke 6:21
“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” Luke 6:21
“Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.” Luke 6:22
“Blessed are the eyes that see what you see.” Luke 10:23
“Blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” Luke 11:28
“Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.” Luke 14:15

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

“Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.” Romans 4:8
“Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” Romans 14:22

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12
“Blessed [are] those who have persevered.” James 5:11

“If you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed.” 1 Peter 3:14
“If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” 1 Peter 4:14

“Blessed is the one who reads [the book of Revelation].” Revelation 1:3
“Blessed are those who hear [the book of Revelation] and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.” Revelation 1:3
“Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed.” Revelation 16:15
“Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” Revelation 19:9
“Blessed and holy are those who have part in the first resurrection.” Revelation 20:6
“Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book.” Revelation 22:7
“Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city.” Revelation 22:14

“From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another.” John 1:16