So back in the day… God created Adam and put him in the garden. What was Adam’s job? To tend the garden (Genesis 2:15). And that’s still our job. Not as in we have to go to the Middle East and start growing a physical leafy garden again… the garden we are in charge of tending is our heart.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23). We have been entrusted with that which is so precious to God… our heart. It was created to love the One who is love (1 John 4:8). Even in all our weakness and immaturity… our little dark hearts are so lovely to Him (Song of Songs 1:5)… and He has put them in our care… knowing that we won’t always do a good job… to quote the Shulammite: “… my own vineyard have I neglected.” (Song of Songs 1:6)

But He is so faithful to help us. For surely we are the work of His hands for the display of His splendor (Isaiah 60:21). And He who has begun a good work will complete it (Philippians 1:6). He is the One who looks with compassion on all our ruins and makes our deserts like Eden and our wastelands a garden (Isaiah 51:3). We can’t just grit our teeth and bring forth righteousness and mature love etcetc… that’s what He will do… if only we let Him. When we choose to pursue 100% obedience and follow where He leads. When we spend time fellowshipping with God, the Holy Spirit that dwells within us… the fruit of that will be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I need a whooole lot more of ALL of those. I need some fruit trees in my garden

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards… (Song of Songs 1:15). The foxes speak of little compromises… those little things that God is pressing His finger on… little, yes, but are still not in alignment with Him… ruining the garden. As dead flies give perfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honour (Ecclesiastes 10:1). Part of tending the garden is to get rid of those little weeds… “… let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles…” Hebrews 12:1

Argh. Looking at my own heart I’m thinkin’ I need less foxes and more fruit

I want a beautiful fragrance to arise from my garden… a heart overflowing with praise and love… He is worthy of nothing less.

Aaaaaaaargh. I used to have a really bad temper when I was little… and I’ve pretty much grown out of it… but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I still have my moments. And today I spent the second half of a lecture trying to chill out from one such moment…

I love the Word of God… I can’t argue with it and win (Job 40:2). It is truth (John 17:17). And it pleases Him when I try to live it (1 Samuel 15:22). His Word chills me out when I feel that temper bubbling away underneath the surface…

Good ol’ Proverbs… gets you every time…

• A quick-tempered man does foolish things… (Proverbs 14:17)
• A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly (Proverbs 14:29)
• A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:1
• Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city (Proverbs 16:32)
• Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered… (Proverbs 22:24)
• An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins… (Proverbs 29:22)

*siiiigh* my pride has to die. I want to be like Jesus.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8

I was plunkin’ away at the keys the other day… I was just meandering my way around the Bible… singing things that caught my eye, cross referencing, exploring the what these verses mean, playing around with chord progressions… lingering at the keys as time slipped away… because He loves me and loves to hear my voice (Song of Songs 2:14)… and oh, how I love to sing my heart out to Him

And in amongst all of that, this verse caught my eye…

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone…” Psalm 62:5

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. For in His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). Why spend life running around, trying to find happiness in anything and everything apart from God… when in the presence of the omnipresent God (Psalm 139:7) who dwells within me (1 Corinthians 6:19) and whom I can come boldly before (Hebrews 4:16) is pleasure forevermore. He has given me the gift of righteousness (Romans 5:17)… the gift of right standing before Him. I don’t have to try and earn His love… I don’t have to strive to be found worthy of love. For when I was His enemy He loved me enough to send His Son as an atoning sacrifice for my sins (Romans 5:10, 1 John 4:10)… and His love remains unchanged. Find rest, O my soul, in the One who knows me better than I do, yet still loves me. Sees all my darkness, and declares that I am lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). Calling things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17)… calling them out and into existence. The same voice that spoke creation (Genesis 1)… calls me lovely. And so I am. And so I will be.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. The One my soul longs for (Psalm 63:1). The One who created me to long for Him. The One who will give me desires of my heart when I delight myself in the One whom I desire above all else (Psalm 37:4). The One I desire to seek and gaze upon all the days of my life (Psalm 27:4). The One who is holy (too many references to name just one…), the One who stands alone, transcending all others (Song of Songs 2:3)… in this One alone may I find complete rest.

I want to feel my need for God… and take it and run not to another but into Him. I want to be my heart to be aching with hunger for God… and not being satisfied with anything less. For only He can satisfy. And He will still the hunger of those He cherishes (Psalm 17:14)… stilling my hunger for Him with Himself… and yet leave me so much hungrier than I was… only to be satisfied again… and on and on and on… ever drawing me deeper. Surely, He will take me to Himself (Psalm 49:15). Though many a man claims to have unfailing love (Proverbs 20:6)… only in Him will I find perfect, unfailing, everlasting love. That which He has so graciously lavished upon me (1 John 3:1). Oh, that I would not become complacent… lulled into a false sense of security (Amos 6:1)… content with other lovers… why run after other lovers (Hosea 2:7) when I am relentlessly pursued by the One who is love (1 John 4:8)??

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone…

I saw an ad yesterday for what appears to be a celebrity gossip website… the website’s ‘catchy’ slogan?? “Where fans go to worship.” I felt slightly sick when I saw that. My friend next to me goes “ummmm… end times worship movement…” and I agreed.

We were made to worship God… the One… the only One… who is worthy of all glory, honour, power and praise (Revelation 4:13). He is worthy of our attention, our devotion… all of our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). But already so many other things tug at our minds and our hearts for our attention and devotion. Our culture is already so full of idolatry… it glorifies it. American Idol. Celebrity gossip sites… where fans go to worship. People collecting lots of memorabilia of their favourite footy team and calling it their ’shrine’. Oh, these things that we sacrifice our time and money to…

… about a year ago (when I was a Christian and about to leave for my internship at the International House of Prayer), I paid seventy-something dollars and went to see my formerly favourite band in concert. I was having fun in the moshpit… jumpin’ around with everyone else… pushing and shoving along with everyone else… screaming out the lyrics with everyone else… reaching out to try and touch the lead singer with everyone else… lifting up my hands before the band along with everyone else… and then in then middle of all that madness I suddenly stopped… lowered my hands… and was like “… what am I doing????” and, feeling quite shaken, ran into His unending mercy and repented. It all looked no different to a high-energy church service… except we weren’t worshipping the Lord and singing about Him. We were worshipping a band and singing about how alone we feel and how overwhelmed we feel by all the darkness inside… any surprise that I used to cut myself listening to this band’s albums??

The world today is getting so good at this worship thing… and soon a man is going to come along and bring ‘peace’ to the Middle East (Daniel 9:27)… three and a half years later he is going to demand that everyone worship his image… and will kill everyone who refuses (Revelation 13:14-15). But why would you refuse, when he has brought ‘peace’ and economic reform (Revelation 13:16-17) and established a worldwide religion (Revelation 17)…?

I can think of a very good reason to refuse… the Antichrist is not God.

Oh that my heart would be ready… I want to prepare my heart for what it is to come. I have to eat the scroll (Revelation 10:9)… I have to be devoted to long and loving meditation in the Word of God that His truth would be written upon my heart (Proverbs 3:3). I want to have a history of intimacy, a history of worship and undistracted devotion to Him… He is worthy of nothing less.

If in that day I choose to worship God alone I could be killed by the Antichrist… and then I will enter the fullness of joy in the presence of the One I love (Psalm 16:11). Or I could worship the Antichrist and live another day… only to spend eternity tormented in the presence of the One I chose to despise (Revelation 14:10).

So today… and every day… I set my heart to worship God. For I will have to choose on that day… and my life… both temporal and eternal… will hinge on it.

… I have already made my choice… and oh God, give me grace to remain steady…

Here is a verse that does my head in:

“Jesus replied, ‘Friend, do what you came for.’” Matthew 26:50

This is the context… the man Jesus is calling ‘friend’ is none other than Judas Iscariot, who has just betrayed Him with a kiss. Jesus has been betrayed unto a slow and painful death on the cross… and yet still calls him ‘friend’. ARGH!! My little head can’t get around that. Proverbs 17:17 says that a friend loves at all times… Jesus loved Judas and called him a friend… even though this is the man who had just betrayed Him. What love is this??

And He calls us His friends… He chose us to be His friends (John 15:15-16). He has chosen us to be those who love Him at all times (Proverbs 17:17). He has chosen us to be those fully obedient to His will (John 15:14). Even though we chose disobedience in the garden (Genesis 3). Even though our hearts are inclined to love darkness (John 3:19). He has called us friends… calling us up and out of our love of darkness and disobedience and into wholehearted love and obedience. He called us out of darkness and into the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus (2 Corinthians 4:6). He delivered us because He delighted in us (Psalm 18:19)… even when we found no delight in Him. When we were His enemies He died for us (Romans 5:10)… because He loved us. Truly, there is NO greater love than this (John 15:13). And He says to us: you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). A commandment… a prophecy… the vision statement of my life

A third of the angels in heaven rebelled (Revelation 4:12) and He banished them (Revelation 12:8). No second chances. Yet all of mankind chose to rebel… and He refused to sit back and let us go. He so loved us that He sent His Son to the cross as an atoning sacrifice for our sins, that we might return to Him and be with Him forever (John 3:16). This is love (1 John 4:10)… and it is for us (Song of Songs 7:10). He has pursued us… He is so determined to love.

You can see it in His faithfulness to Israel. Even after all of her harlotry… the Lord Almighty will be her Husband (Isaiah 54:5). He is fully committed to redeeming her (Isaiah 63:9) and establishing her in righteousness (Isaiah 62:1). He is undeterred by her lack of love towards Him but keeps on loving faithfully… knowing that one day she will return and she will be glorious (Isaiah 62:2)… but only because of His love. Not because of anything she ‘earned’. But simply because He loves her.

I am so glad that God is exactly the way He is!! I LOVE that God is love (1 John 4:8)!! Love that is knowledge surpassing (Ephesians 3:19), an all-consuming (Deuteronomy 4:24) and unquenchable fire (Song of Songs 8:7)… all that directed towards me… and you… and everybody… longing for us to turn to Him… and love in return.

And yet so many don’t. And won’t. And yet somehow… He chose me to one who would love Him (Romans 8:28-29). I am so unworthy of His love… yet it remains for me… He considers me worthy of love… how could I not love the One who loves me so incomprehensibly much?? The One who knows my darkness more than I do… and yet calls me lovely (Song of Songs 1:5). He sees rightly… and calls me lovely. Calling things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17). Calling them into being… this One who spoke creation (Genesis 1). He calls me lovely… and so I am (in part…)… and so I will be.

Woooow… reading through again, this is full of bunny trails… Jesus’ love for Judas, Christians, mankind in general, Israel, me, you, everybody, back to me… my heart was overflowin’ with a good theme for sure… LOVE

… reading books about the Bible/God is no substitute for reading the Bible

… talking about God is no substitute for talking to God

… having friends who go deep in God is no substitute for going deep in God yourself

… planning lots of fasting days and huge chunks of set-aside prayer time etcetc… but always intending yet never actually doing… is no substitute for being faithful with a little (Matthew 25:21)

… being able to quote a whole bunch of verses off the top of your head is no substitute for having them written on your heart (Proverbs 7:3)

… knowing facts about God is no substitute for intimate knowledge of the Person of God

… speed-reading your way through lots of chapters is no substitute for long and loving meditation

… having numerous commentaries sitting on your bookshelf is no substitute for actively pursuing the knowledge of God

… listening to a worship CD is no substitute for actually worshipping the Lord

… physically being in a prayer meeting is no substitute for actually praying… just your heart crying out to the Lord…

… hearing the word of God is no substitute for putting it into practice (Ezekiel 33:31)

… sacrifice is no substitute for obedience (1 Samuel 15:22)

… having His name ever on my lips is no substitute for having Him close to my heart (Jeremiah 12:2)

… “having it all together” on the outside is no substitute for a heart of truth, humility and righteousness (Matthew 23:27)

… being able to put Daniel 9 in a nice little timeline is no substitute for a heart that is truly prepared for the End Times

… having the role of a lead worshipper is no substitute for encountering the Lord in worship

… a big ministry is no substitute for personal fellowship with the Lord… where it’s just you and Him alone…

… a quick ‘thanks God’ when everything seems to be going well is no substitute for truly living with a grateful heart in all seasons and situations

… saying all this ^^ is no substitute for actually living it

Those ‘first things’ I listed aren’t bad… but in my own experience I have done them and thought that it was ‘enough’… in His kindness, God has convinced me otherwise… buuut I think that maybe I still need more convincing because I don’t always live like I’m convinced… I am so quick to say “it’s all about LOVE!!” … buuut I don’t always live like it. I am so quick to try to achieve the ‘end product’ that I miss the love… and without love it is all nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Oh and here’s an update on the 30 day challenge (today is day #8… yep, I am still pluggin’ away at it…)

Yesterday I was driving and was like “hmmm, I don’t want to waste this time… I’ll meditate on Revelation 4…” so I was driving and singing (yes, I sing to help me meditate on Scripture… to IHOPers this is not weird but maybe to other people it may seem so…)… and I was having so much fuuuun … a bit too much fun maybe. I suddenly realised I wasn’t actually paying too much attention to the road and was also speeding. Hmmm. It was a bit of a hazard.

… he’s no longer missing seeee, this prayer thing works (haha if you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out this previous post…)

Ooooh that thought sends me off on a bunny trail…

I help out with my church’s kids ministry, and this week we were teaching them about prayer… especially the fact that God hears and moves at their prayers. And I was so struck by the fact that I was like “Helen!! You need to believe this too!!” as I was talking about prayer with the kids. It’s so easy to tell kids “God hears you always (Psalm 4:3) and you can talk to Him about anything (Ephesians 6:1 and He cares (1 Peter 5:7) and He loves to hear your voice (Song of Songs 2:14)…” and they happily believe it… yet you have to wrestle on the inside with “well, do I actually believe this??” (well, this might not be your experience, but it is mine…)

Oh, that I would take Him at His word… that I would truly consider His Word the truth (Psalm 119:160), not the way I see things… my understanding is so weak. I want to lean not on my own understanding and put my trust fully in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5).

Working in the kids ministry has been such a great growing experience for me… I am one of those people who learns best by explaining stuff to others (hehe no wonder I like blogging about God….), and so answering questions like “what is salvation??” helps ME learn too oh and it’s humbling… I’ve been assigned the job of ‘dance leader’… basically means I get to come up with and lead the actions during worship… I can be all ballet/floaty/twirly/etc just fine, and I go to my ‘happy place’ of sorts where it’s just me and the Lord and little or no self-consciousness… but leading a room of kids (and other leaders!!) in occasionally cheesy actions brings up the heart issues!! Priiiiiide… argh I want it to go awaaaaay… oh Jesus… You who humbled Yourself and came as a man (Philippians 2:8)… You who show me Your humility by the fact You even hear my prayers, let alone answer them… please help me be humble…

Yep, I bunny trailed my way through at least three topics there… hope you enjoyed

I delight in red pandas. Giant pandas. Otters. Among many other things… but most of all the God who created all of it.

Delight… it’s delightful

I love that God actually finds delight in things outside of Himself. You think that if you were the transcendent in beauty Lord God Almighty, in the perfect community of the Trinity you’d have no desire to create more things to take delight in. But it was in accordance with His desire that He created (Revelation 4:11). And He liked it (Genesis 1:21). And He delights in us, His creation… enough to even become His creation and die for our sins (Philippians 2:8). For the joy set before Him He endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2)… He desires us… that we would be with Him where He is (John 17:24).

Love is beautiful

I want to know this One who is love (1 John 4:8)… this One whose name is Jealous (Exodus 34:14). I want to know this One who makes all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11)… this One who gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). I want to see this One who is beautiful and glorious (Isaiah 4:2)… and be transformed. When I see Him I’ll be like Him (1 John 3:2). I want to be like Jesus… I want who I am to make Him known. If people are drawn to me I want them to be pointed to God. I want to display His splendour (Isaiah 60:21).

I want to be beautiful!!

… but not beautiful as defined as superficiality that fades (Isaiah 40:6) or comes off with a quick swipe of *makeup remover (Jeremiah 4:30). Not deceptive charm (Proverbs 31:30), flirty eyes (Isaiah 3:16) and foolish, fake laughter (Ecclesiastes 7:6).

*I am not taking a swipe at makeup and makeup-wearers. What I have a problem with is makeup being relied on for confidence in beauty… in my own life I have found it too easy to run to when I’m feeling insecure…

I want to have unfading beauty (1 Peter 3:4). The beauty of a heart fully confident and mature in love (Song of Songs 8). Most of all I want to be beautiful as in people interact with me and are directed to the beautiful God. I want to be beautiful in that who I am reveals Jesus… the One who is beautiful and glorious. I want to be a reflection of the beautiful, uncreated God.

… it’s a work in progress. But He makes all things beautiful in their time… inwardly He is renewing me day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16). And I don’t want to keep it on the inside (hehe if that’s possible)… I want to overflow. All the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that He is cultivating in me (Galatians 5:22-23)… I want it to flow unhindered outward. That is beautiful.

I am definitely not there yet. But He is. He is so beautiful… I don’t even know. I just know that there’s so much more than the little I’ve already seen (1 Corinthians 2:9)… and I’m hungry for the ‘more’. And I want to be part of a generation hungry for the knowledge of God… and generation with a divine dissatisfaction… a holy hunger (yay for alliterations!!). A generation captivated by the beauty of the Lord, with hearts set on seeking Him out (Psalm 27:4).

Something God’s been repeating to me over and over again for a while now is ‘be faithful with little’ (Matthew 25:21) along with ‘don’t despise the days of small beginnings’ (Zechariah 4:10). He knows I need to be reminded… ‘cuz I tend to go a little crazy on the inside when I’m feeling small… but I am okay with being small if I know that even in my smallness I am an irreplaceable part of something bigger than me. It blows my little mind that the Lord God Almighty sees my little heart (1 Chronicles 28:9) inside of little me on little planet earth in this little universe that He measures with the span of His hand (Isaiah 40:12)… and even it’s weakest movements towards Him move His heart (Song of Songs 4:9). Praise the Lord that He is exactly who He is!!

If my small “I love You” moves His heart… I guess it can’t be that small then

… well, in itself it is. But His big response… the way He treasures every movement of my heart towards Him (Psalm 56:8)… the big way my little weak love moves His heart makes it ‘big’. It’s totally not about me and what I have to bring (or lack thereof), but about Him. His kindness makes me great (Psalm 18:35). His love for me makes my weak-but-true love for Him mean anything. I love Him for He first loved me (1 John 4:19). And His great love for me is the reason why my weak love can move His great heart at all.

I think I talked round and round in circles then. Maybe. I’m getting kinda lost in the wonder of it all

But back to small beginnings… I mentioned it briefly in the first paragraph and I want to expound a little

I tend to get so frustrated by the small beginnings but instead of waiting and being faithful until He chooses to entrust me with more (Matthew 25:23) I try to grab it for myself… thinking that I am wiser than God and so acting accordingly… but I am not wiser than God (Romans 11:34) so my attempts in my own strength fail (Hosea 10:13)… but His kindness remains and leads me back to repentance (Romans 2:4)… over and over and over… and then quietness and trust (Isaiah 30:15). Praise the Lord that He delights in showing His mercy (Micah 7:1 and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10). Because of the cross I can mess up over and over… but then truly repent and run back into Him (Hebrews 4:16), knowing that I am fully accepted (Romans 8:1) and knowledge-surpassingly loved (Ephesians 3:19). No ‘reacceptance probation period’… I am not rejected until I can prove to Him that I really do have it ‘all together’ (I don’t…). I am just met with unfailing love… which means more than warm fuzzies. God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:12)… but He also allures us into the wilderness to speak tenderly (Hosea 2:14).

SO much love I love it. I love Him.

And He teaches me to not make the same mistakes again (Job 4:4). He takes my ashes and gives me His beauty… over and over and over… surely I am for His glory (Isaiah 61:3). Surely my weakness makes for a perfect display for His unfailing strength (2 Corinthians 12:9)… grace that is sufficient for take weak and broken vessels and display His splendour (2 Corinthians 4:7). So I may be feelin’ the small… feelin’ the ashes… but trusting when He promises beauty. He makes all things beautiful in their time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). And so I wait… doing my best to be faithful and love well. He is worthy of a beautiful inheritance… an equally yoked Bride, dressed in spotless white (Revelation 19:8).

The Bride of Christ also counts as something bigger than me that I am glad to be a part of

Hehe before I start let me just say… cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy!!

I wrote this on the train to work today… added finishing touches on the train ride home… mad props to Julie Andrews

To the tune of “My Favorite Things”:

Growing in knowledge of God and His glory

Learning to love Him… it’s now my life’s story

Living to make known the joy that He brings

These are a few of my favourite things

Job and Isaiah and sad Jeremiah

Psalms and the letters to Thessalonica

Song of Songs, Proverbs and all of the rest

Of any book I think BIBLE is best

*dramatic music part*

The Antichrist in the end times; nations getting mad

I simply remember my Sovereign King and then I don’t feel so bad

*back to happy music part*

Jesus of Nazareth, great intercessor

Died on the cross although I’m the transgressor

Desire of nations, rejected, despised

This is the Man to whom my heart does cry

*dramatic music again…*

When the darkness is all I see; when I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my God’s love for me and then I don’t feel so bad

Cheeeeesy but it made the daily commute delightful